Finding Awesome (CoC3 RP #2)

Donzig-gun is gathered around a big screen TV, Donzig and Sinclair sit on the couch with buckets of popcorn. The Death Squad lounge on the floor nearby, staring at the TV. Scattered on the coffee table are the cases of blu-rays, and all of them are movies.

Steve Awesome movies.

On screen, Steve Awesome wore a leather jacket and stood with what appeared to be a katana in one hand, the other held a string of garlic cloves. He had his sunglasses on, and was creeping through what appeared to be an old church. The sound of surf music could be heard in the distance.

The Beach Boys it seemed.

Donzig arched a brow, and turned to Sinclair with a sniff of disdain.

'What is this called again?'

'SoCal Vampire Hunter.'

Donzig snorted, waving a hand as he glared at the screen.

'Slayer would have been better alteration.'

Sinclair rolled her eyes, and swallowed her popcorn before she turned to stare at Donzig. 

'This is about you understanding Steve, this is about you learning to respect Steve! You two have a rather spotted history, and you need to appreciate Steve! You're a tag team now, and you are facing the Bastards!'

Donzig rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he looked back at the TV.

'You think Steve is sitting around trying to understand me, eh?'

Everyone stopped, and Sinclair arched a brow as she bit her lip. The Death Squad looked back at them as well, glancing from Donzig to Sinclair before she lifted a hand. She stroked her chin, and then shrugged before answering.

'I sent him Milton.'

'Ah.'

Meanwhile, Steve Awesome the Vampire Hunter burst into the chapel with an angry glare. The gathered vampires turned as one as 'California Girls' reached it's climax, staring at him as they turned from the pair of bikini clad girls writhing on the altar. Blood ran down their necks from rather drawn on looking bites, and the vampires bared their fangs as they slowly spread in a circle around Steve. The leader wiped his bloodied face, baring his fangs as he lifted his hand to make the 'hang ten' symbol.

'Whoa, Vampire Hunter, dude! Cowabunga!'

'What fresh hell is this?' snapped Donzig, throwing popcorn into his mouth with a disgusted shake of his head.

Sinclair sighed. 

'It can't all be Shakespeare.'

Donzig grumbled, waving a hand with a flurry of popcorn.

'One more shitty line and by the Empty Night, I am going to stun him.'

'Stop!'

Steve Awesome held up the garlic, katana at the ready as he moved in a slow circle to watch the surfer bro vampires closing in on him. He frowned, and the leader motioned his hand. The two bikini clad girls came to their feet as well, lips drawn back to reveal long gleaming fangs as they leapt over the rows of dudes to land before Steve ready for a fight.

Steve paused, and looked at the camera.

'This is going to suck.'

The Death Squad groaned, Sinclair gaped. Donzig tilted his head, and he lifted a hand to wipe across his face before he threw up his hands.

'That's it! That's it! It is fucking stunner time, it's done!'

Sinclair held up her hands, and she grabbed for the remote. She paused the movie, and the Death Squad muttered as she turned to Donzig. She lifted a hand, and sighed before glancing at the pile of blu-rays. 

'Look, he has other movies! You can't just attack everyone who annoys you if you want those tag belts!'

Donzig hissed. Sinclair held up a movie that looked like Steve Awesome with a pretty brunette in front of a house decorated for Christmas. Donzig peered at it, eyes narrowed before he pointed.

'A Champion for Christmas?' Donzig sputtered. 'Is that a fucking Hallmark movie? Did he put his hands on Adelaide Kane?'

Sinclair blinked, and turned the movie to study the cover. She muttered, shaking her head.

'Reign. I should have seen that coming. You know that show is full of inaccuracies, you know that right? I know you know that!'

'I don't care.' 

Donzig glared, Sinclair glared back. Mormo and Moloch stared at each other, and then Mormo growled something.

'What?'

'We're not getting divorced! We're not even married!'

Moloch tilted his head, growling something.

'I am sure!'

Moloch spoke again, and Mormo nodded.

'That is a good question, why aren't we?'

Donzig looked between the three of them, and he lifted a hand to rake through his beard before he waved a hand. 

'This is Steve's fault! Next movie!'

Sinclair sighed, and muttered under her breath before she produced another blu-ray. She held it up, and it was Steve dressed in fatigues with no arms holding a rifle. A few trees rose behind him, and a tropical sun looked down. The shadows of a few helicopters crept across the cover, and the tag line read 'VIET NAM JUST GOT AWESOME'. Donzig stared, and then he tapped the cover.

'You come at me for historical inaccuracies? That jungle is clearly South American, and those helicopters are apaches that didn't even go to Vietnam.'

Sinclair glared at him, and then she tossed them down to scoop up another one. It was Steve Awesome, but he was dressed in a very 90s latex looking superhero costume. Donzig hissed, and he tugged at his beard as Sinclair turned the movie to read it's description.

'Wrestler turned hero! One man fights to bring the city back from crime, one man stands for justice! Starring Steve Awesome as SUPLEX MAN!'

Donzig rolled his eyes, and he shook his head.

'If he had shown me these movies, I would have just fucking tapped out.'

That drew some laughs from the Death Squad, and Sinclair rolled her eyes before she held up the Hallmark one. 

'Listen, we'll watch this one. It's a nice romantic comedy, you love Jane Austen.'

Donzig grunted, reclaiming his popcorn.

'Never compare those movies to Jane Austen again.'