Turmoil #11 : Anniversary

Coming back from commercials, a long pole has been raised in the far right corner of the ring.

Ace Scorpio: Well fans its time for the main event... in which Beelzebozo puts the heavyweight title on the line against Vile Vince Viper... in a coal miner's glove match.

Jax Carver: Viper has both bragged that these two will steal the show, while simultaneously handicapping them with one of the worst match stipulations ever devised. Classic Viper.

Ace Scorpio: While not here for ACW's entirety, the story of the last six months has been these two's dominance. Viper with victories over a SWAT hall of fame role call in Soutter, Evans, Fierce, and Timeless... while Beelzebozo quickly burst onto the scene taking the 2017 Helloween Cup and having a barn burner feud with the Industrial Man before taking the gold off of Psychotic Goth.

Jax Carver: ...And speaking of Goth, if you thought last month's cage match was ugly, I don't want to think about what these two can do with a glove.

Ace Scorpio: Viewer discretion is strongly advised. These two have both left bloody chaotic trails through ACW, but have managed to avoid one another... still... they do not get along.

Jax Carver: Adding to matters is the fact that the clown is accusing Vile of putting his manager in a coma.

Ace Scorpio: Well he did.

Jax Carver: Allegedly.

Ace Scorpio: In any case, they have finally finished setting up the coal miner's glove, so lets send it down to Frank Salazar in the ring...

Frank Salazar: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is our MAIN EVENT... it is a coal miner's glove match! The brutal weapon is suspended above the ring, and using it will not draw a disqualification! Scheduled for one fall with a sixty-minute time limit, it is for the SWAT Atlantic Coast Heavyweight Championship!

Where's My Fucking Money by Busta Rhymes starts to pump over the PA system as the house lights go down.

Frank Salazar: Entering first... the challenger...

Red searchlights run through the crowd as the music builds before converging on the entrance curtain.

Frank Salazar: He hails from Bucharest, Romania... stands at five feet nine inches... weighing in a two hundred and fifty nine pounds... please give a warm round of applause for the 2005 wrestler of the year...

There is a chorus of boos as Vile "Vince" Viper tears through the curtain with his razor sharp claws just as the Rhymes vulgar lyrics hit a high point. Decked out in a ruby red sharkskin suit, The DEVIL of SWAT flashes the camera his pearly yellows before methodically strutting down the aisle.

Frank Salazar: THAT CHEAP HEAT MACHINE...

V I L E

V V I N C E

V V V I P E R R R R R R R R R R R R R R R ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

The king of snakes makes sure to slap hands on his way down to the ring. None of the audience is trying to touch Old Scratch or encouraging him, VVV just likes cutting people.

Frank Salazar: ...And his opponent...

The lights go out and the opening fanfare of "Entrance of the Gladiators" by Julis Fucik starts to play. After the introduction, before the famous melody can begin, there is the sound of a record scratching, then the maniacal laughter that only an evil clown can produce fills the air. The laughter ends abruptly and there is a second of awkward, uncomfortable silence before "Halloween (Celldweller remix) cuts through the quiet.

Frank Salazar: Coming to us from Huntington, West Virginia... he stands at 6'2" and weighs in at 265lbs... please welcome...

Red lights illuminate the entranceway and there are noticeable fumbling motions behind the curtain before Beelzebozo finally emerges from the back.

Frank Salazar: THE ACW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELZEBOZO"

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSTERRRR

FRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIENNNNNNNNDLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY!!!!!!!!!

His ill-fitting suit looking like he slept in it the last three days, porkpie hat perched precariously on top of his shock of red hair, and lit cigar in his mouth, the Clown From Hell stumbles down the aisle, cursing at women, spitting at men, and threatening to backhand little kids that try to touch him.

His ever-present Sack slung over one hunched shoulder, the bag of mischief bulging from the vile treasures within, Beelzebozo shambles down to the ring.

He puts his Sack down in the corner, and pulls out a balloon, stretching it repeatedly before blowing into it and quickly shaping it into a flawless giraffe. Beelzebozo hands the giraffe to a small girl at ringside and takes a deep bow as the crowd gives him a small smattering of applause.

Jax Carver: Not again... man this routine is getting old.

The Clown Prince of Chaos then takes his lit cigar from his mouth and jabs the giraffe with it, the small balloon animal exploding. The girl bursts into tears and the angry crowd throws garbage at Beelzebozo as he stumbles into the ring, ready for his match to begin.

Ace Scorpio: In many ways the champion is warning that this match will not be suitable for younger audiences. It's shockingly responsible of him.

Jax Carver: Or it's the only trick he knows.

Ace Scorpio: ...or it's the only trick he knows. Both men in the ring, Beelzebozo eyeing the coal miner's glove, while positioning his bag of plunder for easier access.

"Hey!"

In the ring, Vile "Vince" Viper approaches the demonic clown, pointing down at the sack of shit's sack of weapons.

Vile "Vince" Viper: Do we really need all those... let'sss not <pointing up="" at="" the="" glove=""> disrespect the DESSSTRUCTIVE POWER of the coal miner's glove by sullying this championship encounter with a bunch of lesser arms.

The champion looks up at the coal miner's glove... which frankly doesn't look too impressive, but is game; shoving a morning star back into the sack.

Ace Scorpio: Beelzebozo doesn't look like he needs weapons to take Viper apart. Shoving his bag of tricks to the side to meet up in the middle of the rin----

#SSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHH#

Jax Carver: HA! Who needs weapons when your fingernails are two-inch razor blades? VIPER DIGGING HIS CLAWS INTO THE CLOWN'S GUT!

The crowd cringe as buttons, felt, and gore splatter across the ring.

Ace Scorpio: The king of snakes suckering the champion into a false sense of honour to kick things off, then immediately with a devastating attack to the midsection...

Jax Carver: You can say eviscerated, its cool.

Ace Scorpio: Beelzebozo with a stocking full of quarters from up his sleeve BELTS the sadistic grin off of Viper's face. A second swing knocks Viper off of him, staggering the old man back into the ropes. Beelzebozo trying to hold the flap of loose skin in place long enough for it to stay, but I think he's going to need medical attention.

Jax Carver: Viper always said that the clown was gutless!

Ace Scorpio: Well we're seeing them spill out all over the ring. Beelzebozo shoving the flap of skin into the deep gash in an effort to clog it, I don't think that's going to work. Another sock with that loaded stocking sends Viper into the corner...

Jax Carver: Christ, check out the welt under TripleV's eye. It looks like an orbital bone fracture!

Ace Scorpio: Buster Friendly reaching into his coat sleeve again... pulls out a sledgehammer. Are his clothes made out of the same material as clown cars? How does that even work?

Jax Carver: What a cheat. HEY SICK MINDS THINK ALIKE - Viper pulling a sledgehammer out of his trunks as well.

Ace Scorpio: For all his talk of focusing on the coal miner's glove, it looks like Viper was packing weapons all along.

Jax Carver: He was just using it to accentuate his junk, how could he know that the clown was going to turn this stipulation into a joke?

#THWAM#
#THWACK#
#THUMP#
#CLANG#
#CLANG#
#CLANG#
#THWWWWWWWWWWACK#

Ace Scorpio: Duelling Sledgehammers, as Viper and Beelzebozo pay tribute to a Psychotic Goth promo, hammering away as they attempt to give one another headaches.

Jax Carver: Both guys are managing to parry most of those deathblows, but I think Viper is getting the better of these exchanges, as the clown is drenching the canvas in crimson from that abdomen wound.

Ace Scorpio: Yeah, but Viper's face already looks like he took a sledgehammer to it. That left cheek of the challenger is swelling up like a grapefruit.

#THWINK#

Ace Scorpio: The champion coming out on top as he BREAKS Viper's wooden handle into shreds. Now winding up for the killing blow...

Vile "Vince" Viper <pulling out="" inhaler="">: This is battery acid you slime!

FUCKING HIPSTER MEGA POP!!!

Dropping the sledgehammer, Beelzebozo grabs his face in agony...

Ace Scorpio: TripleV shooting Friendly in the face with something in an inhaler. No wait... it was just an IT reference.

Jax Carver: Classic!

Ace Scorpio: Friendly realizing that his face isn't melting... that it was an IT reference... I think Viper may have just woken a--------

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SHOCKED GASP POP!!!

Ace Scorpio: BUSTER FRIENDLY SHOOTING REAL ACID OUT OF HIS FLOWER LAPEL AT VIPER!

Jax Carver: Viper getting his coat up in time, JESUS CHRIST. THE COAT IS SMOKING! Viper quick to pull it off, throwing it away... and bozo NAILS him with a short arm closeline over the top to the outside! Viper landing headfirst on the concrete, and is out like a light.

Ace Scorpio: Vicious fall that could be all she wrote for this challenge.

Jax Carver: I'd give the landing a 1 and the concussion a 10.

Ace Scorpio: Beelzebozo starting to go for the coal miner's glove... but as he climbs in the corner seems to tear his stomach further open. How is he still standing? Staggering back to the ground, kneels down next to his bag.

Turning back to his bag of tricks, Beelzebozo pulls out a roll of duct tape, wrapping it around the gorge in his stomach.

Ace Scorpio: Friendly trying to stop the river of blood flowing out of his abdomen with some tape. Staggering back to the ropes to check on his opponent after that nasty fall...

Beelzebozo: Just like you did to the Moose...

Mentioning the comatose Backyard worker seems to fire up the battered Viper, who jumps up with a claw and grabs Beelzebozo by the leg, yanking him to the outside.

Jax Carver: The clown getting dragged out to the floor, as its now an incensed Viper's turn to dole out punishment.

Ace Scorpio: It didn't take long for these two to trigger each other. Both men outside as referee Jessie Tandy starts the ten count. He seems to be comfortable with the flagrant weapon use, but wants to keep it in the ring. 1... 2... Viper whipping Friendly stomach first into the guardrail! Claw to the back! Friendly's coat is almost as torn up as Viper's is burnt.

Jax Carver: Irish whip - but the clown counters, sending the king of snakes crashing headfirst into the steel steps.

#THUD#

Jax Carver: Bozo following in with a running elbow... but Viper slides off the steps...

#THUD#

Ace Scorpio: 5... 6... Viper rolls in and out to restart the count. Now putting Beelzebozo in an Indian Deathlock ON THE STEPS so that the steel edges are digging into that gory midsection.

Jax Carver: Those steps are starting to tear the tape. This is sick.

Ace Scorpio: Tandy getting up to an 8 count before Viper re-enters the ring to break it. Leaving the champion a bloody mess, the king of snakes stalking towards the corner as he goes for the glove.

Jax Carver: On the outside, Bozo is coming too, sees Viper climbing the corner, and starts to follow him in...

Ace Scorpio: VVV standing on the top turnbuckle, and starting to climb the pole--- what was that?!




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Slumped against the ropes, standing on the apron, Beelzebozo throws a water balloon, missing Viper but bursting on the pole. The crowd cheer as Viper starts to lose his grip, sliding down.

Jax Carver: Beelzebozo with covering the pole with... was that... oil?

Ace Scorpio: Whatever was in that balloon, it's made the pole incredibly slippery. Viper desperately trying to climb it to get that coal miner's glove, but can't hold his grip.

Jax Carver: Falling to the canvas, Viper reaching into the clown's bag and pulling out an AXE. I'm really not seeing the point of a glove compared to an axe.

Ace Scorpio: It's a point of pride.

Jax Carver: Well Viper has thrown his pride out the window, as he charges the clown with that axe, Beelzebozo ducks it and pulls Viper into a swinging neckbreaker into that top rope!

Ace Scorpio: The axe goes flying!

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Ace Scorpio: It should be noted that Atlantic Coast is not responsible for the props that these performers bring to the ring, and if anyone in the audience picks up an axe... its best to return it to security.

Jax Carver: Beelzebozo trying to use the ropes to slingshot himself... through he middle ropes... but catches his giant clown shoes and crashes into Viper with a... we'll be generous and call that a diving headbutt.

Ace Scorpio: Feet are still in the ropes, but there's the pin...











ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!










TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!








Jax Carver: Viper getting a shoulder up. Bozo untangling his shoes from the ropes, and knees Viper in the face on his way to crawling back towards the corner...

Ace Scorpio: Having enough of his bearings to see Beelzebozo going for that glove, Viper starts to weakly crawl after him...

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Jax Carver: Beelzebozo stopping short of the corner, and spins around... I can't watch...

#SLAP#
#SLAP#
#SLAP#

Ace Scorpio: KNEESLAPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jax Carver: ...drat.

Ace Scorpio: That patented running kneelift found its mark on Viper's malformed cheek, and there's the pin...











ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!













TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

















THREE------------------------------------------------------------






Jax Carver: NO! Viper getting his foot in the ropesss! There'sss still hope!

Ace Scorpio: WAIT - BEELZEBOZO NOW ON THE ROPES, FOLLOWING IT UP WITH----------

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Ace Scorpio: THERE'S THE PUNCHLINE! AND THAT'S ALL SHE WROTE!!!!!!!!!















ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




















TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


















THREE???

Jax Carver: Viper managing to again get in the ropes... YOU CAN DO THIS!

Ace Scorpio: You really want Viper to win..

Jax Carver: I hate clowns. Look we know that no matter who wins this match, there is no way they're retaining in the Slain Asylum... but that's after the Anzac Cup... which could take seven months. My nerves can't take that much Beelzebozo!

Ace Scorpio: Nerves... wait do you hate them, or are you scared of them?

Jax Carver: Shut up.

Turning back to the action, Carver spills his coffee as he sees Buster Friendly starring down at him, cackling. Clowns can always tell.

Ace Scorpio: Pulling an obscenely long string of handkerchiefs out of his sleeve, the champion is now hogtieing the barely conscious Viper. The challenger is completely out of it, and not able to put up much of a fight. At this point, Beelzebozo has to be wondering just what it's going to take to put the old man down.

Jax Carver: A shot from that incredibly stupid glove?

Ace Scorpio: With Viper restrained, Beelzebozo can now grab the prize unmolested...

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Ace Scorpio: BLACK VENOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jax Carver: Even tied up, Viper managing to spew some of that tar like crap up at the clown!

Ace Scorpio: Beelzebozo managed to get a hand up, so didn't take the full brunt of it, but who knows what that muck even is...

A clown shoe kicks Viper in the face before Beelzebozo starts to head for the glove. By the time he's standing on the middle ropes, he's already starting to slow down.

Jax Carver: DAMN IT! THE TAR IS LETTING HIM GET A GRIP ON THE POLE DESPITE HIS OIL STUNT! THAT ISN'T FAIR!

Ace Scorpio: Beelzebozo on the top rope, and reaching up, climbing that pole, the coal miner's glove is almost in reach...

Jax Carver: Get up Vile!

Ace Scorpio: Here he goes... and... almost there... just another foot... its right there... RIGHT THERE... and... and he's stopped.




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Jax Carver: The black venom has paralyzed him in place! That stupid glove is so close, but so far away! Suck it Bozo!

Ace Scorpio: Viper writhing around on the canvas, over to Beelzebozo's bag, and using the sharp edge of a Buster Sword to remove the handkerchiefs.

Jax Carver: Wait, he has a giant Final Fantasy sword in his bag? Where did he get that and WHY IS HE BOTHERING GOING FOR A DAMNED GLOVE WHEN HE HAS IT! I'm starting to hate coal miners more than clowns.

Ace Scorpio: I would assume he got it from Midgard. Viper free, and Beelzebozo still stuck in place at the top of that pole...

Jax Carver: Here we go-----------

Ace Scorpio: VIPER REACHES UP AND----------------------------



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Ace Scorpio: SUPERBOMB UNTO BEELZEBOZO'S BAG OF TRICKS!!!

Jax Carver: The clown landed on his Morningstar, but still can't move to show how damned much that hurt!

Slumping back to the canvas next to the downed champion, Viper reaches over to his now dissolved jacket and pulls out a magazine from the dangerous mess. The cover reads "Tommy Danger depicted in Cave Drawings, how old is he?" Yes it's the old IGA price saver magazine. Extending a razor sharp talon, The Devil of SWAT flips through the pages to a specific article, before burying the claw in Beelzebozo's taped up midsection.

Vile "Vince" Viper: Here we go... "I find myself having to take washroom breaks whenever Essex appears on camera just to avoid his incredibly dull canned interviews, and as a result of the frequent trips, my wife believes I may have prostate cancer, but its not prostate cancer, its Essex." ...No... not that one... here... "with his disdain for personal safety, bloated dishevelled appearance, grim sense of humour, repulsive character flaws and sadistic streak, Beelzebozo is a young VVV." Sssee Beasssley... you were suppose to carry on my legacy. When I retired, it was up to you to remind everyone how much better everything was back in the day, in MY day, back when YOU were ME. ...But when that ssshitty federation folded, did you carry on as my crude, breathing effigy? Nah. You fucked back off to children'sss partiesss, and I was forced to continue with this ssshame of a life. The longessssssssssst march. More than the family.... more than the debt collectors... more than the psychological complexes... YOU are the reason I can't retire. You have never disappointed a child, parent, or loved one more than you DISAPPOINT ME. Whether it was subconscious or not... you were made in my GRAVEN craven IMAGE, I am your creator, and I have never known greater shame. ...I need you to understand that... <pointing up="" at="" the="" pole=""> there is a reassson I'm going to batter your face until the only part of me that people can still see in you, is my wrath.

Groaning, Viper struggles back up to his feet.

Vile "Vince" Viper: ...wait right there...

Ace Scorpio: Viper referencing a previous federation these two met in a long time ago. He's often called Beelzebozo a poor imitation of himself, but apparently he resents the champion for not imitating him more.

Jax Carver: That wacky Viper... he has serious issues.

Meanwhile lying in a pile on top of his sharp hoard, Beelzebozo starts to regain some movement in the one hand that didn't touch the venom. Reaching into his coat pocket, Beelzebozo pulls out a popper.

Ace Scorpio: Beelzebozo with an... is that... amyl nitrite? Shaking... fighting through the toxicity of the slime, but Viper well on his way to collecting that glove...

Vile "Vince" Viper: Why quit wrestling? To spite me?

Tearing the magazine in half, VVV uses the paper to create traction against the slicked pole, climbing up towards the glove. Behind him, Beelzebozo fights back up to one knee.

Jax Carver: HURRY VILE!

Vile "Vince" Viper: And if you’re going to come back... why now? WHY RUB MY FACE IN YOUR FAILU--------

A second before VVV can grab the glove, Beelzebozo staggers into his legs, knocking him off. Viper slides right down the pole, landing flat-footed on the canvas in a way that blows out his knees. Grabbing a fistful of the old man's hair, Beelzebozo rams it into the metal post, again, and again.

Ace Scorpio: The champion hitting Viper's face into that post... again... and again... and again... and again... and again....

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Ace Scorpio: ...and again... and again... and again... and again... and again... and again...

Jax Carver: MAKE HIM STOP!

Beelzebozo: I CAME BACK BECAUSE US FRINGE ELEMENTS...

#SMACK#

Beelzebozo: DON'T---

#SMACK#

Beelzebozo: HAVE----------

#SMACK#

Beelzebozo: ANYWHERE #SMACK# ELSE #SMACK# TO GO!!!!!

#SMACK#

Ace Scorpio: The champion beating Viper's head repeated into that post with such force I'm surprised he didn't knock the coal miner's glove loose.

Jax Carver: We should be so lucky.

Ace Scorpio: The king of snakes face looks like... well the Elephant man would be a compliment.

Jax Carver: The clown pulling him out of the corner with a belly to back suplex, and follows it up with...

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Ace Scorpio: THE PUNCHLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jax Carver: VIPER IS DEAD-----AND THE CHAMPION IS SHOWBOATING! PIN THE MAN! This is insufferable!

Ace Scorpio: Beelzebozo with an eventual cover...











ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


















TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!















THREE---------------------------------------------------------------

Jax Carver: Kickout.

Ace Scorpio: The move called for Beelzebozo to take his time, but Viper is just moving on instincts, this is done. Buster Friendly now grabbing an arm, drags Viper back up for the... Irish whip into the corner... follows him in...

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Ace Scorpio: CLOWN CAR CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jax Carver: YES!!!!!!!!!!!

Ace Scorpio: VIPER CATCHES FRIENDLY GOING IN FOR THE AVALANCHE, BACKDROPS HIM INTO THAT POST!!! Beelzebozo sent flying stomach first into that hard steel post! That tape is barely holding him together.

Jax Carver: Beelzebozo lying prone on the top rope and Viper turns...

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Ace Scorpio: CRESCENT MOON KILLER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Jax Carver: Backflip kneestrike knocks the clown off the top into a tree of woe!

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Ace Scorpio: SATAN'S STRUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SATAN’S STRUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VIPER HITS THE MOST DESTRUCTIVE EYE GOUGE IN THE BUSINESS ON AN UPSIDE DOWN BEELZEBOZO!!! WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION! NEW CHAMPION!

Jax Carver: WHAT IS HE WAITING FOR!?

Ace Scorpio: Viper hasn't gone for a pin all night, he said it earlier, all he wants is to rearrange Friendly's face with that coal miner's glove.

Jax Carver: Triple V standing on Buster's crotch as he climbs up to the top rope, now climbing up the pole...

Ace Scorpio: Here we go.

Jax Carver: Wrapping his legs around the pole, slithering up like the snake he is... Beelzebozo is dead below him, nothing to stand in his way.

Ace Scorpio: And reaching for it---

Jax Carver: ...where'd it go?

Ace Scorpio: Huh?

Viper reaches the top of the pole only to find the glove has gone missing. Did it get shaken off by his head? Dropping back down to the top rope, Vile starts to look around the surrounding area before noticing the third man in the ring.

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Anonymoose is wearing the coal miner's glove. Before Viper can react, Beelzebozo's manager slugs him in the face with the object.

Ace Scorpio: Anonymoose has the glove and...

Jax Carver: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!

Ace Scorpio: ...HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

THE CROWD EXPLODES POP!!!!!

Jax Carver: WHAT THE...

Ace Scorpio: I... words...

Jax Carver: YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

Ace Scorpio: I... I had no idea.

Upon being hit, VVV’s head EXPLODES. Almost scanners style! The human head shouldn't contain enough blood to fill the air twenty feet around it with a fine mist. The front row is covered in Viper. The old man drops to the canvas. All that is left standing is Anonymoose with the awesome power of the Coal Miner's Glove.

Jax Carver: So the coal miner's glove is the most devastating weapon ever devised?!

Ace Scorpio: ...It certainly seems that way.

Jax Carver: Christ. I mean, that actually makes Coal Miners cool... I... I had no idea how fucking awesome Coal Miner's Gloves were... all that crap we said earlier. We must look like total assholes. ...and anyone who believed or agreed with us... just total assholes.

Ace Scorpio: It would have been more humane to force feed Viper a hand grenade. The awesome power of the coal miner's glove has left him twitching like Apollo Creed, deathspasming in the centre of the canvas.

Jax Carver: Um. We definitely need more medics out here than we could have imagined...

Ace Scorpio: Anonymoose now grabbing Beelzebozo off the corner, and placing him on top of Viper... not like this, Viper had this match won. This isn't right. It doesn't look like the referee wants to count... but he's more worried about anyone who wields the otherworldly might of the coal miner's glove.

Jax Carver: Why didn't they call it a Thor's Hammer match, because it might have well been for the sheer devastation... Viper is BEING ROBBED, but anything to get this match over with and him to a paramedic...















ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!














TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!























THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DING! DING!! DING!!!

Frank Salazar: The winner of this match and STILL ACW Heavyweight champion, "Beelzebozo" Buster Friendly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beelzebozo starts to come to, unaware that he has defended his title. In the ring, Anonymoose slowly removes his head.

Ace Scorpio: Anonymoose unmasking and... is that?

Jax Carver: Yeah, I remember him from the dead kid cemetery...




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MASSIVE POP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Ace Scorpio: Anonymoose is Spike Nelson!

Jax Carver: The crowd going wild for the Simply Amazing superstar!

Ace Scorpio: Viper is not going to be happy when he comes to... wait... coughing up blood, it looks like he's awake.

VVV looks up to find his grandson.

Vile "Vince" Viper: Spike... why?

Spike Nelson: because you need to be stopped. All of those terrible things you have done...the atrocities you committed.....you are the coldest, most heartless, most sadistic man I have ever met. But here's the thing...it was different with me. You have openly used and betrayed everyone in your life. You don't hide it. You brag about it. But I was different. I saw the real you. The man you don't show ANYBODY. You showed me your vulnerable underbelly and took me under your wing. You warned me about what this business would do to me. You let me into your heart, and told me how you came to be such a twisted, violent man. You looked out for me, protected me. You gave me advice, nurtured me, trained me, you filled the void in my life that was left by never knowing my father. YOU were the father I never had. When you made me your tag team partner, it was more than just the best time in my career....it was the best time in my life. We travelled the roads together, filming crazy promos, stealing the show every damn night we wrestled. For the first and only time in my life.....I felt happy. I felt COMPLETE. And then you tossed me aside with no explanation, no reason, like I meant nothing to you. You ripped my heart out, and you left me a soulless husk of a man, so empty and defeated I left this business and never looked back. You did the worst thing you can do to another human being......you broke my heart.








Vile “Vince” Viper: oh. Sorry?

Spike: That's all I needed to hear!

Spike punches Beelezbozo in the ribs with the coal miner's glove.

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Jax Carver <spit take="">: JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!!!

The magnificent strength of the coal miner's glove shreds the tape off of Beelzebozo's gut, leaving the full force to push into his stomach and push out his innards, blasting the audience with a twenty-foot stream of gore.

Ace Scorpio: We need to become Coal miners.

Jax Carver: Coal Miners are the coolest.

A second shot doesn't knock as many vital organs out of Beelzebozo because the demonic clown is running out of plasma to spray on the crowd.

Ace Scorpio: Vile Vince Viper has once again pulled the wool over the eyes of his grandson, who is now going to town on the world champion!

Jax Carver: Spike immediately changing his loyalties. He's a very complicated young man.

Ace Scorpio: Beelzebozo turning a scary shade of purple. I'm not sure if his spleen just landed on our desk.

Jax Carver: If that's his spleen its better out than in.

MONSTER POP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ace Scorpio: HERE COMES THE INDUSTRIAL MAN CHARGING OUT OF THE BACK!!!

Jax Carver: He acts brave for a robot, but I think the mining glove could destroy him too.

Ace Scorpio: Before Attila Balan can make the save, Spike Nelson with another VICIOUS ROUNDHOUSE PUNCH - sends the corpse of our champion flying through the air like a Frisbee to the outside.

Kneeling down, Attila Balan cradles the beaten Buster Friendly. In the ring, king of snakes slowly crawls up the ropes, standing next to his grandson.

Vile "Vince" Viper: ...Hi folksss... The Manhattan Project... Adrian Tanner... Andrew Karnage... Roscoe Law... Matthew X... The fucking Shirosss... back in 2009 we had a historic run in the HARDKORE FRANK MARANO JR. TOURNAMENT taking out the best and the brightest of your sad little pond... politics kept us from a happy ending. Back then guys like the FreakAngelsss and Ssshootfighter weren't even a factor... now they're the best you got. Dessspite the injustice experienced that night, I still managed to win The FRANK a few years later with the Arizona Assassssssin... but my grandson was left high and dry.

So... There's no easy way to say this... SSSWAT... you're fucked.

And speaking of fucking...

You're looking at...

BETTER THAN SEX

WITH

VILE VINCE VIPER

AND

SSSPIKE NELSSSON

Spike Nelson: Your 2018 Anzac Cup winners!

[Better Than Sex soak in a chorus of boos, while on the floor bellow them, Funny Business stares up. If the robot could know feelings, there would be sheer hatred in his ocular receptacles. The ACW Heavyweight champion looking more dead than alive.]

ACE SCORPIO: WHAT IN THE HELL HAVE WE JUST WITNESSED!!!!! THIS IS TOTAL INSANITY TAKING PLACE HERE IN ACW!!!!!

JAX CARVER: I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE!!!!!! THE LANDSCAPE OF ACW HAS FOREVER BEEN CHANGED HERE TONIGHT. FOLKS WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT MONTH!!!!![/B]



COMING TO YOU LIVE FROM PHILADELPHIA, PENNSYLVANIA
ACW PRESENTS TO YOU..................THE RETURN OF .............









THE SLAIN ASYLUM!</spit></pointing></pulling></pointing>