Post by bigdaddybastard on Oct 4, 2021 4:54:22 GMT -5
“G’day mate! I’m Steve Irwin, Crocodile Hunter! And on this latest adventure I’m heading into the outback to look for some of Australia’s cutest animals”
Whilst the introduction montage for the Crocodile Hunter tv show played out in front of him, Billy Fowler sat in a comfy, worn in leather armchair. A bowl of half-eaten popcorn on his lap and the occasional tear rolling down his cheeks.
“Damn it Steve! Why did you have to go so soon!?”
The big man took a massive fistful of popcorn and slammed it into his mouth.
“I’m here in middle out the outback to meet these little guys, the Koala Bear. Aren’t they so cute.”
Fowler follows up the mouthful of dry, salty popcorn with a massive glug of what can be assumed to be London Dry Gin and tonic water. His viewing is interrupted by the gentle buzz of his mobile phone, the incoming caller is Rob Riot. Fowler slowly licks each of his fingers in turn, all the while watching the phone ring, before slowly picking it up and answering.
“Hello…”
“What took you so long? Oh God! You weren’t in the middle of one off the wrist, were you?”
“No! I’m not bloody mindless wank robot.”
“If you say so. What are you doing any?”
“Exactly what you told me to do, I’m studying up on our opponents…”
“Good. Which matches are you watching?”
There is a pause. A pause of confused silence as Fowler looks back at the TV screen and sees Mr Irwin with a small grey furry bear clinging to his arm.
“Matches? You said we were booked to fight Marsupials. So I’m…”
Before he can finish his sentence he is cut off by annoyed Rob Riot.
“Don’t! Don’t you fucking dare! You’re… you’re about to tell me that you’ve spent the entire day watching wildlife documentaries aren’t you!”
Fowler looks at the screen once again, careful contemplating his next move.
“No, of course not. What do you take me for? I’m watching an old tape from…err…some Australian promotion. This match has Kid Koala going up against some guy called….”
Suddenly Fowler stops mid-sentence as he fumbles for a name. Rob picks up on the further shenanigans with ease.
“You were saying…
He’s called…”
“He’s called Irwin. Irwin…Steve..A..son. Irwin Steveason!”
Fowler wipes his brow, awaiting the Rob to just shrug the name off and move on. He should have expected better from Riot though.
“Billy…”
Fowler takes a sip of Gin to wet his dry mouth before replying.
“Yes Rob…”
“Are you watching Steve Irwin?”
A hesitant response came through.
“Yes.”
It took mere milliseconds for Riot to explode in an enraged tirade against his partner.
“You right Billy! You’re not a wank robot, one of those would have some sort of processing power! You on the other hand have wasted an entire day watching a dead man molest animals because you had the naivety to believe we were booked against some furry Australia critters!”
“No hang on just a minute Rob! In my defence it’s been a while since I was last in the business. And they kind of places that we usually end up wrestling in are run by crack heads and lunatics! It’s not unreasonable to think that we might be forced to fight some animals.”
Fowler had a point. The Bastards had travelled many promotions and federations together and had often been subject to some very questionable booking.
“Yes, that’s true. But I went over this with you at the Zoo. The animals in the cages, they were real. But the people we must fight, they aren’t real…well they are real, they’re just not animals.”
“Ah, so my new ring gear is all a bit pointless then?”
“What new ring gear?”
“Give me a second.”
The phone goes dead on Riot as Fowler goes off to another room of the apartment and starts to put on a costume. After a few minutes Rob’s phone begins to ring with a video call. He answers it and recoils in surprise and shock at what greets him…
“What the fuck is that?”
A muffled response can just about be heard coming from the giant stuffed head.
“Well… after our trip to the zoo… I did some more research on Marsupials and found that they have fed natural predators. Apparently Tasmanian Tigers used to be one but then some fucker killed them all. So I couldn’t get a costumer for a Tasmanian tiger…and a regular tiger would have just been stupid…”
Rob rolled his eyes.
“Yeah… that would have been stupid.”
“So… I went for the next best thing. Taz… The Tasmanian Devil. Frank suggested I just put a black tea towel over my head and look pissed off, but I think he was a bit confused.”
“Ok… And all of this is in aid of?”
“Well I thought the Marsupials… the real ones would be terrified of a predator and we’d have the advantage. But as it turns out we’re just fighting men, so I probably should have gotten a different costume. A shark would have been good, or come to think of it a tiger.
What other predators do humans have? Oh shit… a Predator would have been cool!”
“Can I just stop you.”
Both men stare at each other across their mobile screens. Fowler slowly takes off the giant Taz head and places on the floor next to him, realising that he has made a big mistake.
“How about we cut the shenanigans.”
“But Rob. This is what we’re famous for.”
“We’re also famous for kicking people’s heads in… how about we focus on that part now?”
Fowler has the look of a child who wants to keep playing but has just been told it’s bedtime.
“Fine…”
“That’s a good chap. Now, take that costume and put it in the bin. Dig out your training gear and get down the gym. You’ve been looking a bit rusty out there.”
Fowler hangs up the phone, leaving Fowler to remove the Taz costume. He picks it up and wanders over to the bin but thinks better of it and folds it up neatly and places it back in his closet.
Whilst the introduction montage for the Crocodile Hunter tv show played out in front of him, Billy Fowler sat in a comfy, worn in leather armchair. A bowl of half-eaten popcorn on his lap and the occasional tear rolling down his cheeks.
“Damn it Steve! Why did you have to go so soon!?”
The big man took a massive fistful of popcorn and slammed it into his mouth.
“I’m here in middle out the outback to meet these little guys, the Koala Bear. Aren’t they so cute.”
Fowler follows up the mouthful of dry, salty popcorn with a massive glug of what can be assumed to be London Dry Gin and tonic water. His viewing is interrupted by the gentle buzz of his mobile phone, the incoming caller is Rob Riot. Fowler slowly licks each of his fingers in turn, all the while watching the phone ring, before slowly picking it up and answering.
“Hello…”
“What took you so long? Oh God! You weren’t in the middle of one off the wrist, were you?”
“No! I’m not bloody mindless wank robot.”
“If you say so. What are you doing any?”
“Exactly what you told me to do, I’m studying up on our opponents…”
“Good. Which matches are you watching?”
There is a pause. A pause of confused silence as Fowler looks back at the TV screen and sees Mr Irwin with a small grey furry bear clinging to his arm.
“Matches? You said we were booked to fight Marsupials. So I’m…”
Before he can finish his sentence he is cut off by annoyed Rob Riot.
“Don’t! Don’t you fucking dare! You’re… you’re about to tell me that you’ve spent the entire day watching wildlife documentaries aren’t you!”
Fowler looks at the screen once again, careful contemplating his next move.
“No, of course not. What do you take me for? I’m watching an old tape from…err…some Australian promotion. This match has Kid Koala going up against some guy called….”
Suddenly Fowler stops mid-sentence as he fumbles for a name. Rob picks up on the further shenanigans with ease.
“You were saying…
He’s called…”
“He’s called Irwin. Irwin…Steve..A..son. Irwin Steveason!”
Fowler wipes his brow, awaiting the Rob to just shrug the name off and move on. He should have expected better from Riot though.
“Billy…”
Fowler takes a sip of Gin to wet his dry mouth before replying.
“Yes Rob…”
“Are you watching Steve Irwin?”
A hesitant response came through.
“Yes.”
It took mere milliseconds for Riot to explode in an enraged tirade against his partner.
“You right Billy! You’re not a wank robot, one of those would have some sort of processing power! You on the other hand have wasted an entire day watching a dead man molest animals because you had the naivety to believe we were booked against some furry Australia critters!”
“No hang on just a minute Rob! In my defence it’s been a while since I was last in the business. And they kind of places that we usually end up wrestling in are run by crack heads and lunatics! It’s not unreasonable to think that we might be forced to fight some animals.”
Fowler had a point. The Bastards had travelled many promotions and federations together and had often been subject to some very questionable booking.
“Yes, that’s true. But I went over this with you at the Zoo. The animals in the cages, they were real. But the people we must fight, they aren’t real…well they are real, they’re just not animals.”
“Ah, so my new ring gear is all a bit pointless then?”
“What new ring gear?”
“Give me a second.”
The phone goes dead on Riot as Fowler goes off to another room of the apartment and starts to put on a costume. After a few minutes Rob’s phone begins to ring with a video call. He answers it and recoils in surprise and shock at what greets him…
“What the fuck is that?”
A muffled response can just about be heard coming from the giant stuffed head.
“Well… after our trip to the zoo… I did some more research on Marsupials and found that they have fed natural predators. Apparently Tasmanian Tigers used to be one but then some fucker killed them all. So I couldn’t get a costumer for a Tasmanian tiger…and a regular tiger would have just been stupid…”
Rob rolled his eyes.
“Yeah… that would have been stupid.”
“So… I went for the next best thing. Taz… The Tasmanian Devil. Frank suggested I just put a black tea towel over my head and look pissed off, but I think he was a bit confused.”
“Ok… And all of this is in aid of?”
“Well I thought the Marsupials… the real ones would be terrified of a predator and we’d have the advantage. But as it turns out we’re just fighting men, so I probably should have gotten a different costume. A shark would have been good, or come to think of it a tiger.
What other predators do humans have? Oh shit… a Predator would have been cool!”
“Can I just stop you.”
Both men stare at each other across their mobile screens. Fowler slowly takes off the giant Taz head and places on the floor next to him, realising that he has made a big mistake.
“How about we cut the shenanigans.”
“But Rob. This is what we’re famous for.”
“We’re also famous for kicking people’s heads in… how about we focus on that part now?”
Fowler has the look of a child who wants to keep playing but has just been told it’s bedtime.
“Fine…”
“That’s a good chap. Now, take that costume and put it in the bin. Dig out your training gear and get down the gym. You’ve been looking a bit rusty out there.”
Fowler hangs up the phone, leaving Fowler to remove the Taz costume. He picks it up and wanders over to the bin but thinks better of it and folds it up neatly and places it back in his closet.
