Post by Teeps on Mar 12, 2022 23:31:43 GMT -5
Lounging on top of the king sized bed inside Chris Card’s yacht, the man himself and his lovely wife Diana are relaxing. Card addresses the camera he has positioned and smiles warmly, or at least Chris Card warmly and addresses the fans with all the faux sincerity and bonhomie of your average talk show host.
Chris Card: What’s goin’ on, NPW fans? Welcome to the below deck area of my floating second home moored in B-E-A-YOOTIFUL Halifax Harbour for the first episode of my new show, "We’ll Be Talkin’" And I’m going to be ably assisted by the most important person in my life, the Bonnie to my Clyde, the two sugars and a shot of cream to my morning coffee, my wonderful wife Diana.
Diana sweeps her long reddish-brown locks out of her face and with a slight sigh she awkwardly adds her part to the piece.
Diana Card: I lie here in amazement.
Chris Card: Of this revolutionary new format?
Ms Card rolls her eyes…
Diana Card: No, more that you talked me into doing this. Anyway, what’s the..
…and coughs, a little sarcastically.
Diana Card: "We’ll Be Talking Point" this week?
Chris Card: TM.
Diana Card: TM.
Chris Card: Well, it seems the oh so skilled marketing division at Northern Pro Wrestling may have jumped to their own conclusions about my upcoming match with Jeff Stevens.
Diana Card: JAY Stevens.
With an impish grin, Card backs himself up.
Chris Card: Well spotted, dear. See, now you, the viewers at home may be wondering whether that was a mistake due to lack of research or a deliberate attempt to undermine my opponent by highlighting some level of unmemorability about him. And I would reply… Trade secret, boys and girls. But anyway, let’s hear that little bit of marketing fluff to hype the upcoming contest. Take it away, Dee.
Diana lifts a crumpled piece of paper up and reads the press release in the most uninterested, monotonous tone.
Diana Card: Chris Card believes he can do no wrong in Canada.
Chris Card: Well, now let me stop you there. I can do plenty of wrong in Canada. I can do more wrong than you, the viewer, are even in the ballpark of comprehending. Continue.
Diana Card: And that his fandom stretches from coast to coast.
Chris Card: Correct. But mainly in Toronto and out here on the East Coast. I mean, I haven’t worked Vancouver in years but I doubt they have the enthusiasm that my Haligonian fans have.
Diana Card: Based on what we've seen over the past two years, the NPW faithful are likely to stand alongside of the challenger.
Chris Card: I respectfully disagree. Anywhere else it would be the noble quest of a young, enthusiastic hero, looking to prove that he can slay the dragon that is the disgraceful, deceitful, devilishly daring, dynamically dastardly and downright dirty dog that is me. Here, in Canada and especially in Halifax it’s the snot nosed punk who’s too big for his britches against OUR guy.
Diana Card: Two of the best technical wrestlers on the planet are set to lock horns for the richest prize in our industry.
Chris Card: Now that I agree with. I’m going to make this the best match of your career. People will be discussing how Chris Card vs Jay Stevens was the best match they’d seen. People will call it Stevens’ masterpiece. His magnum opus. And people will debate for years whether it was a better match than Card vs Riot. Live from the…
Chris pauses for a second.
Chris Card: Dee, did we get that payment?
Diana Card: Yup.
Chris Card: Live from the Scotiabank Center. Scotiabank. For every future. Now, I think it’s time to wrap things up with Whisky of the Week. Do we have a jingle?
Diana frowns and spits out a dismissive….
Diana Card: No.
Chris Card grins and reaches out of shot to produce a black labelled bottle, 3/4rs full of Card’s tipple of choice,
Chris Card: We’ll workshop it. Anyway, today’s whisky is Ghleann Dubh from Glen Breton. Not just the best whisky produced in the Americas, it’s peaty, smoky and delicious. And no, I’m not on money to promote it but if the boys who run it want to give me a free bottle or two, I’ll sail the yacht up the Canadian coast and pick it up personally.
Diana Card: Can we wrap this up now, dear? I have a video conference for work.
Chris Card: Yes, of course. I do quite want a cigar.
Diana Card: Aft deck.
Chris Card: I know the rules. So, NPW fans, until next time…
WE’LL BE TALKIN’
Chris Card: What’s goin’ on, NPW fans? Welcome to the below deck area of my floating second home moored in B-E-A-YOOTIFUL Halifax Harbour for the first episode of my new show, "We’ll Be Talkin’" And I’m going to be ably assisted by the most important person in my life, the Bonnie to my Clyde, the two sugars and a shot of cream to my morning coffee, my wonderful wife Diana.
Diana sweeps her long reddish-brown locks out of her face and with a slight sigh she awkwardly adds her part to the piece.
Diana Card: I lie here in amazement.
Chris Card: Of this revolutionary new format?
Ms Card rolls her eyes…
Diana Card: No, more that you talked me into doing this. Anyway, what’s the..
…and coughs, a little sarcastically.
Diana Card: "We’ll Be Talking Point" this week?
Chris Card: TM.
Diana Card: TM.
Chris Card: Well, it seems the oh so skilled marketing division at Northern Pro Wrestling may have jumped to their own conclusions about my upcoming match with Jeff Stevens.
Diana Card: JAY Stevens.
With an impish grin, Card backs himself up.
Chris Card: Well spotted, dear. See, now you, the viewers at home may be wondering whether that was a mistake due to lack of research or a deliberate attempt to undermine my opponent by highlighting some level of unmemorability about him. And I would reply… Trade secret, boys and girls. But anyway, let’s hear that little bit of marketing fluff to hype the upcoming contest. Take it away, Dee.
Diana lifts a crumpled piece of paper up and reads the press release in the most uninterested, monotonous tone.
Diana Card: Chris Card believes he can do no wrong in Canada.
Chris Card: Well, now let me stop you there. I can do plenty of wrong in Canada. I can do more wrong than you, the viewer, are even in the ballpark of comprehending. Continue.
Diana Card: And that his fandom stretches from coast to coast.
Chris Card: Correct. But mainly in Toronto and out here on the East Coast. I mean, I haven’t worked Vancouver in years but I doubt they have the enthusiasm that my Haligonian fans have.
Diana Card: Based on what we've seen over the past two years, the NPW faithful are likely to stand alongside of the challenger.
Chris Card: I respectfully disagree. Anywhere else it would be the noble quest of a young, enthusiastic hero, looking to prove that he can slay the dragon that is the disgraceful, deceitful, devilishly daring, dynamically dastardly and downright dirty dog that is me. Here, in Canada and especially in Halifax it’s the snot nosed punk who’s too big for his britches against OUR guy.
Diana Card: Two of the best technical wrestlers on the planet are set to lock horns for the richest prize in our industry.
Chris Card: Now that I agree with. I’m going to make this the best match of your career. People will be discussing how Chris Card vs Jay Stevens was the best match they’d seen. People will call it Stevens’ masterpiece. His magnum opus. And people will debate for years whether it was a better match than Card vs Riot. Live from the…
Chris pauses for a second.
Chris Card: Dee, did we get that payment?
Diana Card: Yup.
Chris Card: Live from the Scotiabank Center. Scotiabank. For every future. Now, I think it’s time to wrap things up with Whisky of the Week. Do we have a jingle?
Diana frowns and spits out a dismissive….
Diana Card: No.
Chris Card grins and reaches out of shot to produce a black labelled bottle, 3/4rs full of Card’s tipple of choice,
Chris Card: We’ll workshop it. Anyway, today’s whisky is Ghleann Dubh from Glen Breton. Not just the best whisky produced in the Americas, it’s peaty, smoky and delicious. And no, I’m not on money to promote it but if the boys who run it want to give me a free bottle or two, I’ll sail the yacht up the Canadian coast and pick it up personally.
Diana Card: Can we wrap this up now, dear? I have a video conference for work.
Chris Card: Yes, of course. I do quite want a cigar.
Diana Card: Aft deck.
Chris Card: I know the rules. So, NPW fans, until next time…
WE’LL BE TALKIN’
