PSA 1: Big Hard Wood.... en Flags.
Sept 23, 2021 17:26:04 GMT -5
CWA Admin, BRAVE1, and 1 more like this
Post by Scruffy Burns on Sept 23, 2021 17:26:04 GMT -5
The stirring orchestral nationalism of John Philip Sousa rises like a wave over the wash of dawn, the sun creeping over the panoply of buildings and the not ever a halfie Washington monument.
The lawn of the national park glistening with dew, a man stood. Not just any man, not the man. But A man.
Over his right shoulder and clutched like the venerable claw of the bald eagle was a staff, a staff of over ten feet long. A staff that truth be told was proving to be murder to hold, off its long, overhanging end was an American Flag, old glory herself, hanging like the shroud of free.
But man alive, was this thing heavy.
Heavy like the burden of being the greatest American in America’s history of America. Like Big furry badger balls. But an American badger mind you.
As John Philip Sousa rose to what some, we call them commies, might consider a decibel level approaching “dangerous” to “hearing”. Your hero, OUR hero, John Quincy Adams…
..Burns
Stood. Semi-erect under the extra hundred pounds of weight he was carrying on his appropriately sized extra-medium frame, and wearing a suit of black with an American flag lapel pin so fine the morning dew reflected off of it like tears from a baby.
A baby Jesus.
Cracking a smile that strained under the weight of the flag, the physical and metaphysical, with his free hand he shot a thumbs up. Which certainly did not cause an imbalance wobble. You commie bastard.
John Quincy Adams Burns:
Hey, none of that. Name’s Scruffy, just like the most American pappy in history called me after he named me mistakenly after American’s most mutton-chopped and therefore greatest mutton-chopped president in history!
His smile broadened like the majesty of purple mountains.
Scruffy Burns:
That’s MORE like it!
Scruffy thrust his thumbed up hand out, bring it closer to us, and to closer to him the vast outreach of land he so dearly loved.
Scruffy Burns:
Now, I wanted to let everyone know that I am AMERICA! And so CAN YOU!
I know some of you might wonder, Scruffy, what exactly does that mean? Let me tell you patriot what it doesn’t mean, it doesn’t mean you can’t not America. It does mean you can can’t not, not America, am I right?
He waggles a finger.
Scruffy Burns:
Or am I right? When I wake up before the dawn of a new day in this country, to be the first man every day to see the sunrise on the greatest nation in the world, I do one presidential fitness test just to make sure I am still fit to America. It’s not easy, but to have the love of the greatest lady in history.
Lady Liberty is to sacrifice daily to make sure that she knows I love her, and I would never half-mast ramming her freedom into the backside of those who would stand against freedom.
It was at this point, that “Lady Liberty” became visible, despite being there, rather obviously the entire time. Scruffy Adam’s freedom ringing glory obscuring this most obvious woman wearing a costume wrought in the image of the Statue of Liberty, and it was certainly NOT purchased off of Amazon about 30 hours before.
For her part, Lady Liberty looked as majestic as you imagined….
She looked terminally bored, and hourly.
“Lady Liberty”:
Scruffy, Mr. Jackson is gonna be pissed if you are late to work again. He told me to tell you that if you didn’t show up on time today, to not bother coming in on Monday.
Scruffy Burns:
You of course me ANDREW Jackson, Old Hickory…
His gigantic smile is broken when he is cut off, a deflated balloon.
“Lady Liberty”:
No, I mean Mr. Jackson down at the Oil Hut…
Scruffy Burns:
Ah yes, The fuel of FREEDOM! Which brings us back to YOU TOO can America like I do, in the sight of lady liberty...
“Lady Liberty”:
It’s a three-hour drive back from the capit…
Ignoring her, he attempts to plant the ten-foot pole into the ground, a pre-dug and entirely illegal hole helps in this endeavor. He begins marching around the flag, clockwise while saluting it.
Scruffy Burns:
This coming weekend October 7th...
“Lady Liberty”:
That’s two weeks from now, you great dolt.
Scruffy ignoring her comments on the obvious nature of reality began humming “You’re a grand old flag” in almost nearly the correct, and consistent key. “Lady Liberty” couldn’t have rolled her eyes harder at him.
Scruffy Burns:
I will travel to Nova Scotia, part of the greatest country on Earth. AMERICA, and I will face two people, a man who calls himself Eddie Havok, and the great silent majority himself. Joe Everybody.
“Lady Liberty” had planned to say something, raising a hand, thought better of it, and instead pulled up a cup of coffee sitting in the grass and began drinking it. Unamused.
Scruffy Burns:
And gentlemen, I wanted you to know that despite the fact I am debuting, and a blue-collar American just like you, that I am going to give the kind of effort expected of an American, I’m going to lace my boots up, I am going to walk to that ring, shaking babies, kissing…
He stops and rubs his chin, looking like he is counting on his finger.
Scruffy Burns:
No matter. I will climb in that ring, and we will AMERICA together! And in the tussle of might and brawn and brawny, and mighty, we will discover who among us is the most AMERICA! But I wanted you and everyone at home to know that there have been some trends inside the squared circle you won’t see from me, I won’t throw those elbows from the east, NO! I deliver the Elbow the American way, with a shake.
He shakes.
Scruffy Burns:
A rattle
He rattles.
Scruffy Burns:
And a roll! Overhand, Like George Washington’s wooden teeth intended!
A big thumbs up.
Stirring reverse zoom in.
Black.
The lawn of the national park glistening with dew, a man stood. Not just any man, not the man. But A man.
Over his right shoulder and clutched like the venerable claw of the bald eagle was a staff, a staff of over ten feet long. A staff that truth be told was proving to be murder to hold, off its long, overhanging end was an American Flag, old glory herself, hanging like the shroud of free.
But man alive, was this thing heavy.
Heavy like the burden of being the greatest American in America’s history of America. Like Big furry badger balls. But an American badger mind you.
As John Philip Sousa rose to what some, we call them commies, might consider a decibel level approaching “dangerous” to “hearing”. Your hero, OUR hero, John Quincy Adams…
..Burns
Stood. Semi-erect under the extra hundred pounds of weight he was carrying on his appropriately sized extra-medium frame, and wearing a suit of black with an American flag lapel pin so fine the morning dew reflected off of it like tears from a baby.
A baby Jesus.
Cracking a smile that strained under the weight of the flag, the physical and metaphysical, with his free hand he shot a thumbs up. Which certainly did not cause an imbalance wobble. You commie bastard.
John Quincy Adams Burns:
Hey, none of that. Name’s Scruffy, just like the most American pappy in history called me after he named me mistakenly after American’s most mutton-chopped and therefore greatest mutton-chopped president in history!
His smile broadened like the majesty of purple mountains.
Scruffy Burns:
That’s MORE like it!
Scruffy thrust his thumbed up hand out, bring it closer to us, and to closer to him the vast outreach of land he so dearly loved.
Scruffy Burns:
Now, I wanted to let everyone know that I am AMERICA! And so CAN YOU!
I know some of you might wonder, Scruffy, what exactly does that mean? Let me tell you patriot what it doesn’t mean, it doesn’t mean you can’t not America. It does mean you can can’t not, not America, am I right?
He waggles a finger.
Scruffy Burns:
Or am I right? When I wake up before the dawn of a new day in this country, to be the first man every day to see the sunrise on the greatest nation in the world, I do one presidential fitness test just to make sure I am still fit to America. It’s not easy, but to have the love of the greatest lady in history.
Lady Liberty is to sacrifice daily to make sure that she knows I love her, and I would never half-mast ramming her freedom into the backside of those who would stand against freedom.
It was at this point, that “Lady Liberty” became visible, despite being there, rather obviously the entire time. Scruffy Adam’s freedom ringing glory obscuring this most obvious woman wearing a costume wrought in the image of the Statue of Liberty, and it was certainly NOT purchased off of Amazon about 30 hours before.
For her part, Lady Liberty looked as majestic as you imagined….
She looked terminally bored, and hourly.
“Lady Liberty”:
Scruffy, Mr. Jackson is gonna be pissed if you are late to work again. He told me to tell you that if you didn’t show up on time today, to not bother coming in on Monday.
Scruffy Burns:
You of course me ANDREW Jackson, Old Hickory…
His gigantic smile is broken when he is cut off, a deflated balloon.
“Lady Liberty”:
No, I mean Mr. Jackson down at the Oil Hut…
Scruffy Burns:
Ah yes, The fuel of FREEDOM! Which brings us back to YOU TOO can America like I do, in the sight of lady liberty...
“Lady Liberty”:
It’s a three-hour drive back from the capit…
Ignoring her, he attempts to plant the ten-foot pole into the ground, a pre-dug and entirely illegal hole helps in this endeavor. He begins marching around the flag, clockwise while saluting it.
Scruffy Burns:
This coming weekend October 7th...
“Lady Liberty”:
That’s two weeks from now, you great dolt.
Scruffy ignoring her comments on the obvious nature of reality began humming “You’re a grand old flag” in almost nearly the correct, and consistent key. “Lady Liberty” couldn’t have rolled her eyes harder at him.
Scruffy Burns:
I will travel to Nova Scotia, part of the greatest country on Earth. AMERICA, and I will face two people, a man who calls himself Eddie Havok, and the great silent majority himself. Joe Everybody.
“Lady Liberty” had planned to say something, raising a hand, thought better of it, and instead pulled up a cup of coffee sitting in the grass and began drinking it. Unamused.
Scruffy Burns:
And gentlemen, I wanted you to know that despite the fact I am debuting, and a blue-collar American just like you, that I am going to give the kind of effort expected of an American, I’m going to lace my boots up, I am going to walk to that ring, shaking babies, kissing…
He stops and rubs his chin, looking like he is counting on his finger.
Scruffy Burns:
No matter. I will climb in that ring, and we will AMERICA together! And in the tussle of might and brawn and brawny, and mighty, we will discover who among us is the most AMERICA! But I wanted you and everyone at home to know that there have been some trends inside the squared circle you won’t see from me, I won’t throw those elbows from the east, NO! I deliver the Elbow the American way, with a shake.
He shakes.
Scruffy Burns:
A rattle
He rattles.
Scruffy Burns:
And a roll! Overhand, Like George Washington’s wooden teeth intended!
A big thumbs up.
Stirring reverse zoom in.
Black.
