[Long] excerpt of an interview with a podcaster
Oct 2, 2021 21:22:45 GMT -5
BRAVE1 and SWAT eFed like this
Post by Old Line Jeff on Oct 2, 2021 21:22:45 GMT -5
~snip~
“I’ll be straight up honest with you guys, it’s a huge relief to be matched up against a straight shooter who actually knows he’s a professional wrestler, especially after enduring the zany-poo, still mentally in middle school, wacky-daffy clowns week after week.”
As it turns out this time, Ronnie Long decided to make some random youtube guy’s week by accepting an invitation to appear on a podcast.
Since we’ll pretend you’re watching said podcast as it streams - you probably aren’t but work with me here - Long’s appearing via webcam live in his apartment in Vancouver, and the podcaster is wherever the hell he is he’s not the important part here it doesn’t matter where he is.
“So you didn’t like...?”
“My comments on Greg Adkins? One hundred percent shoot, jack, he should’ve been turned away at the door. I mean, I bit my tongue about some things because I like my boss and Gus Arnold doesn’t need the stress of one more primmadonna in his life. Though again, honestly, it’s best all around that I was as checked out as I was when Union Jack showed up. But seriously. Let’s talk about… Xialong? Xiaolong? Not sure exactly how to pronounce it, my apologies.”
“I think it’s Xiaolong.”
“Yeah. Well, it’s harder to pronounce than McKinney, so I want a star for trying.”
Laughter.
“This guy’s a martial artist. Aaand… for the most part in my career I’ve been lucky not to get matched up against martial artists too often. You know how my big thing isn’t that I’ve got the most badass power moves, it’s always been about my pain tolerance, especially back when I did the deathmatch thing. So, as a guy who did the deathmatch thing and who still does the, pardon the ‘insider terminology’, no-sell thing, I want to tell you something about wrestling against martial artists. They make it tough. REALLY tough.”
“So, from your perspective, martial artists are better at hurting people than weapons are?”
“It’s like this. Look.” Long stands and lifts his t-shirt enough to show his ribs. “This is my kidney, right here.” He points to his waist and slightly around his back. “When most of us wrestlers kick, we just pick our foot up and push against whatever’s in front of us. Even a really good big boot, it’s just a crap kick that a martial artist would laugh at. Before they got hit anyway. A good martial artist? They can land a called shot to a sensitive part of your body almost at will. Right here.” He points at his kidney again for emphasis.
“If someone drops me into some thumbtacks, it’s going to do a LOT more surface damage. But puncture wounds, as painful as they are, aren’t dangerous. And when someone does that kind of damage to me and my adrenaline goes off, that’s when my body goes wacky, my nerves get their signals crossed, and I start blocking chair shots with my forehead and laughing about it. Martial artists are different. Xiaolong’s going to throw shots at my thighs. Or my kidney. Or maybe right on the middle ribs.” He points at his body again, this time at the ribs. “And he’s gonna do it every chance he gets. Once, five times, twenty times… and it’s a different kind of pain. It lasts a lot longer.”
“Let me tell you about the only time in my career I’ve ever tapped out.”
“That was to… Heidi Christenson back in 2001, wasn’t it?” interjects the podcaster.
“Yeah. And she was a martial artist. She kept landing shots right on my floater rib. I thought I was a hardass after that deathmatch with Neo, the razor wire chair match. Heidi made me look like an absolute chump. So she lands a couple dozen shots to the floater rib, and then I started rallying - hell, it’s the match I developed the tilt-a-whirl gutbuster - but my endurance was shot because I couldn’t take a deep breath without feeling like someone was kicking me on the inside of my rib. Heidi had that arm pretzel submission hold of hers, Beautiful Dreamer, and that was back before anyone knew the ways to block it. The part that really hurt though, was she used a body triangle to help lock it in, and she got her shin bone wedged right into that floater rib she’d been working on all night. Tell you what man, part of the reason I live in Georgia now is because that rib STILL hurts on a cold Colorado night.”
“So back to Xiaolong. The bio he left with Arnold says he’s a vicious bastard, but he hasn’t been showing it in the ring. So I’m going to handle him like I always do an unknown quality. If he keeps it clean, I’ll keep it clean. And I mean pro wrestling clean, not boyscout clean, if it goes outside and someone eats a turnbuckle, it’s part of the game. But he has - man, Xiaolong has been kicked around by the fates so far here in NPW. Debut match ruined because his opponent wouldn’t go to the ring, and then his next match got ruined by interference. The reason I brought out the Heidi comparison - and you know that was in an intergender promotion and I mean comparing him to her as a high compliment, right? - it was because I’m genuinely impressed by some of the stuff I’ve seen the man pull off. He’s got very educated feet, he’s super-quick, great sense of balance. I’m hoping that we could call this match ‘Pro wrestling sets aside usual nonsense so two relatively well balanced individuals can have a wrestling match.”
“There haven’t been a lot of those lately, have there?”
“Nope. Look - I know there's a lot of fans and people in the back alike that are upset about splitting from the XHF, and it is a shame things ended the way they did. All the same, I was never personally a fan of some of the zaniness.”
“Not a fan of zaniness?”
~snip~
“I’ll be straight up honest with you guys, it’s a huge relief to be matched up against a straight shooter who actually knows he’s a professional wrestler, especially after enduring the zany-poo, still mentally in middle school, wacky-daffy clowns week after week.”
As it turns out this time, Ronnie Long decided to make some random youtube guy’s week by accepting an invitation to appear on a podcast.
Since we’ll pretend you’re watching said podcast as it streams - you probably aren’t but work with me here - Long’s appearing via webcam live in his apartment in Vancouver, and the podcaster is wherever the hell he is he’s not the important part here it doesn’t matter where he is.
“So you didn’t like...?”
“My comments on Greg Adkins? One hundred percent shoot, jack, he should’ve been turned away at the door. I mean, I bit my tongue about some things because I like my boss and Gus Arnold doesn’t need the stress of one more primmadonna in his life. Though again, honestly, it’s best all around that I was as checked out as I was when Union Jack showed up. But seriously. Let’s talk about… Xialong? Xiaolong? Not sure exactly how to pronounce it, my apologies.”
“I think it’s Xiaolong.”
“Yeah. Well, it’s harder to pronounce than McKinney, so I want a star for trying.”
Laughter.
“This guy’s a martial artist. Aaand… for the most part in my career I’ve been lucky not to get matched up against martial artists too often. You know how my big thing isn’t that I’ve got the most badass power moves, it’s always been about my pain tolerance, especially back when I did the deathmatch thing. So, as a guy who did the deathmatch thing and who still does the, pardon the ‘insider terminology’, no-sell thing, I want to tell you something about wrestling against martial artists. They make it tough. REALLY tough.”
“So, from your perspective, martial artists are better at hurting people than weapons are?”
“It’s like this. Look.” Long stands and lifts his t-shirt enough to show his ribs. “This is my kidney, right here.” He points to his waist and slightly around his back. “When most of us wrestlers kick, we just pick our foot up and push against whatever’s in front of us. Even a really good big boot, it’s just a crap kick that a martial artist would laugh at. Before they got hit anyway. A good martial artist? They can land a called shot to a sensitive part of your body almost at will. Right here.” He points at his kidney again for emphasis.
“If someone drops me into some thumbtacks, it’s going to do a LOT more surface damage. But puncture wounds, as painful as they are, aren’t dangerous. And when someone does that kind of damage to me and my adrenaline goes off, that’s when my body goes wacky, my nerves get their signals crossed, and I start blocking chair shots with my forehead and laughing about it. Martial artists are different. Xiaolong’s going to throw shots at my thighs. Or my kidney. Or maybe right on the middle ribs.” He points at his body again, this time at the ribs. “And he’s gonna do it every chance he gets. Once, five times, twenty times… and it’s a different kind of pain. It lasts a lot longer.”
“Let me tell you about the only time in my career I’ve ever tapped out.”
“That was to… Heidi Christenson back in 2001, wasn’t it?” interjects the podcaster.
“Yeah. And she was a martial artist. She kept landing shots right on my floater rib. I thought I was a hardass after that deathmatch with Neo, the razor wire chair match. Heidi made me look like an absolute chump. So she lands a couple dozen shots to the floater rib, and then I started rallying - hell, it’s the match I developed the tilt-a-whirl gutbuster - but my endurance was shot because I couldn’t take a deep breath without feeling like someone was kicking me on the inside of my rib. Heidi had that arm pretzel submission hold of hers, Beautiful Dreamer, and that was back before anyone knew the ways to block it. The part that really hurt though, was she used a body triangle to help lock it in, and she got her shin bone wedged right into that floater rib she’d been working on all night. Tell you what man, part of the reason I live in Georgia now is because that rib STILL hurts on a cold Colorado night.”
“So back to Xiaolong. The bio he left with Arnold says he’s a vicious bastard, but he hasn’t been showing it in the ring. So I’m going to handle him like I always do an unknown quality. If he keeps it clean, I’ll keep it clean. And I mean pro wrestling clean, not boyscout clean, if it goes outside and someone eats a turnbuckle, it’s part of the game. But he has - man, Xiaolong has been kicked around by the fates so far here in NPW. Debut match ruined because his opponent wouldn’t go to the ring, and then his next match got ruined by interference. The reason I brought out the Heidi comparison - and you know that was in an intergender promotion and I mean comparing him to her as a high compliment, right? - it was because I’m genuinely impressed by some of the stuff I’ve seen the man pull off. He’s got very educated feet, he’s super-quick, great sense of balance. I’m hoping that we could call this match ‘Pro wrestling sets aside usual nonsense so two relatively well balanced individuals can have a wrestling match.”
“There haven’t been a lot of those lately, have there?”
“Nope. Look - I know there's a lot of fans and people in the back alike that are upset about splitting from the XHF, and it is a shame things ended the way they did. All the same, I was never personally a fan of some of the zaniness.”
“Not a fan of zaniness?”
Ronnie Long laughs. Hard.
"Let me tell you about the time Jeff Andrews wrestled a sumo wrestler in 2014..."
~snip~
