Post by bigdaddybastard on Nov 3, 2021 9:18:59 GMT -5
A line of muskets stretched down the length of the green sloping hill. Behind in the distance a group of cavalrymen looked to be beginning their charge. The red coats of men seemed to shine under the intense light from above. In the far distance, on the horizon a strange shape could be seen.
A large mass of black and imprinted on it the faces of three men collectively known as The Bastards dressed as famous British generals, Rob is dressed at Bernard Montgomery, Frank is dressed as Oliver Cromwell and Fowler is dressed as Lord Wellington is Billy Fowler.
As the camera pans out from the tight angle on the soldiers it becomes clear that they are plastic models arranged on a table decorated with miniature scenery, the British red coat army facing off against an American army of the revolutionary war period.
Behind the table in a brand new “Bastards: Ring Generals” T-shirt is Billy Fowler. He surveys the battlefield before turning his attention to the camera.
“You fuckers get everywhere, don’t you?”
As Fowler addresses the cameraman the camera seems to respond with a nod.
“Well I’m glad you’re here. We’re just about to reach the climax of the battle!”
Fowler carefully starts to move his collection of little red attired men towards the blue lines. He takes his time moving the small, somewhat fragile miniatures until one of the cavalry’s horses loses its head. He sighs before stretching his arms out and pushing the whole British side of the table towards the thin blue line. In a moment of chaos plastic men, cannons and horses fly across the table and off the other side, leaving a mess strewn across the tabletop and the floor.
“There… I won. I like the sense of achievement that comes from winning, especially something you’ve never won before.
We…”
Fowler turns to his left and right expecting to see his friends at his side, however they aren’t here right now. So, with a shrug he turns his focus back to the camera.
“We are excited about The Great Northern War because we’re officially in a match that none of us have ever competed in! Two rings, side by side, surrounded by a steel cage. That type of environment presents unlimited potential for chaos, destruction, complete annihilation!
Much like my redcoats did to the American troops a second ago. And before anyone accuses me of being a nerd, I don’t usually play with little plastic soldiers.
Rob said that visual aids and metaphors help connect people to the content of our promos, so it was either this or I dress Matthew Broderick and sit in front of some ancient fucking computer pretending to Nuke the world.
Hopefully you get the idea. The ReVenants are about to but themselves in a situation they never saw coming. Locked inside solid steel with The Bastards, a Lynx and giant god damn lizard!”
Fowler reaches under the table and pulls out a massive T-Rex, placing it on the battlefield amid the chaos.
“There he is, the king of the dinosaurs! And you could say that Jesse Jamester is a king among NPW now that he holds the Double Crown championship. Talking of champions, let’s not forget that the Bastards hold the tag titles. That’s three champions you’ve got to face right there fellas.
But let’s not get carried away with ourselves, we’re helping Jesse for one reason alone, we get to beat the holy shit out of you muppets and there is nowhere to run.
You see a few months ago, back on the other network I faced off against Neo James Carter and at the time I said that it wasn’t personal. Well, a lot has changed since then!
You see we don’t take well to being jumped and we don’t play games. We are the three best wrestlers on the planet, so good we closed a promotion because he had no one left to beat. So good that we had to retire ourselves because there was no one else capable of it. And so good that the industry had to drag us back into because no one can out do what we do!
So when you decided to make thing personal with us ReVenants you signed your own death warrants. It was only a matter time before we came calling for you, and well these shenanigans gave us the perfect opportunity.”
Fowler reaches under the table again and this time pulls out a bottle of craft London Dry Gin, a small glass and a bottle of tonic water. He slows proceeds to make himself a Gin and Tonic, taking a sip before returning to his address.
“Ah, refreshing. Don’t worry too much boys, you’ll have plenty of dollars to pay for the doctors bills and the rehabilitation after the match, because you’re about to have your biggest pay day yet! The Great Northern War is set to be one of if not the biggest pay per view in NPW history and with us entering the main event you boys are now in what I would easily call the biggest match in NPW history! The royalties from Blu Ray sales and reruns on streaming services alone will probably set you boys up nicely in retirement, which is coming soon, trust me.
You’ll enter this match as confident men, but you’ll leave it battered and broken shells. You’ll go home to your spouses, those that have them, and you’ll sit in your favourite chair and stare blankly at the nearest wall. They’ll try and make you smile, laugh, respond to them in any kind of fashion… but you won’t.
You’ll just sit and stare at that wall. And you’ll know that the biggest mistake you ever made was putting yourselves in the cross hair of The Bastards. We don’t take prisons boys. If you don’t piss us off like the Lizard and the Lynx, we can take you along for the ride.
But when you cross us… we make you pay.”
A large mass of black and imprinted on it the faces of three men collectively known as The Bastards dressed as famous British generals, Rob is dressed at Bernard Montgomery, Frank is dressed as Oliver Cromwell and Fowler is dressed as Lord Wellington is Billy Fowler.
As the camera pans out from the tight angle on the soldiers it becomes clear that they are plastic models arranged on a table decorated with miniature scenery, the British red coat army facing off against an American army of the revolutionary war period.
Behind the table in a brand new “Bastards: Ring Generals” T-shirt is Billy Fowler. He surveys the battlefield before turning his attention to the camera.
“You fuckers get everywhere, don’t you?”
As Fowler addresses the cameraman the camera seems to respond with a nod.
“Well I’m glad you’re here. We’re just about to reach the climax of the battle!”
Fowler carefully starts to move his collection of little red attired men towards the blue lines. He takes his time moving the small, somewhat fragile miniatures until one of the cavalry’s horses loses its head. He sighs before stretching his arms out and pushing the whole British side of the table towards the thin blue line. In a moment of chaos plastic men, cannons and horses fly across the table and off the other side, leaving a mess strewn across the tabletop and the floor.
“There… I won. I like the sense of achievement that comes from winning, especially something you’ve never won before.
We…”
Fowler turns to his left and right expecting to see his friends at his side, however they aren’t here right now. So, with a shrug he turns his focus back to the camera.
“We are excited about The Great Northern War because we’re officially in a match that none of us have ever competed in! Two rings, side by side, surrounded by a steel cage. That type of environment presents unlimited potential for chaos, destruction, complete annihilation!
Much like my redcoats did to the American troops a second ago. And before anyone accuses me of being a nerd, I don’t usually play with little plastic soldiers.
Rob said that visual aids and metaphors help connect people to the content of our promos, so it was either this or I dress Matthew Broderick and sit in front of some ancient fucking computer pretending to Nuke the world.
Hopefully you get the idea. The ReVenants are about to but themselves in a situation they never saw coming. Locked inside solid steel with The Bastards, a Lynx and giant god damn lizard!”
Fowler reaches under the table and pulls out a massive T-Rex, placing it on the battlefield amid the chaos.
“There he is, the king of the dinosaurs! And you could say that Jesse Jamester is a king among NPW now that he holds the Double Crown championship. Talking of champions, let’s not forget that the Bastards hold the tag titles. That’s three champions you’ve got to face right there fellas.
But let’s not get carried away with ourselves, we’re helping Jesse for one reason alone, we get to beat the holy shit out of you muppets and there is nowhere to run.
You see a few months ago, back on the other network I faced off against Neo James Carter and at the time I said that it wasn’t personal. Well, a lot has changed since then!
You see we don’t take well to being jumped and we don’t play games. We are the three best wrestlers on the planet, so good we closed a promotion because he had no one left to beat. So good that we had to retire ourselves because there was no one else capable of it. And so good that the industry had to drag us back into because no one can out do what we do!
So when you decided to make thing personal with us ReVenants you signed your own death warrants. It was only a matter time before we came calling for you, and well these shenanigans gave us the perfect opportunity.”
Fowler reaches under the table again and this time pulls out a bottle of craft London Dry Gin, a small glass and a bottle of tonic water. He slows proceeds to make himself a Gin and Tonic, taking a sip before returning to his address.
“Ah, refreshing. Don’t worry too much boys, you’ll have plenty of dollars to pay for the doctors bills and the rehabilitation after the match, because you’re about to have your biggest pay day yet! The Great Northern War is set to be one of if not the biggest pay per view in NPW history and with us entering the main event you boys are now in what I would easily call the biggest match in NPW history! The royalties from Blu Ray sales and reruns on streaming services alone will probably set you boys up nicely in retirement, which is coming soon, trust me.
You’ll enter this match as confident men, but you’ll leave it battered and broken shells. You’ll go home to your spouses, those that have them, and you’ll sit in your favourite chair and stare blankly at the nearest wall. They’ll try and make you smile, laugh, respond to them in any kind of fashion… but you won’t.
You’ll just sit and stare at that wall. And you’ll know that the biggest mistake you ever made was putting yourselves in the cross hair of The Bastards. We don’t take prisons boys. If you don’t piss us off like the Lizard and the Lynx, we can take you along for the ride.
But when you cross us… we make you pay.”
