Post by bigdaddybastard on Dec 20, 2021 7:39:07 GMT -5
T’was not quite the night before Christmas and all through the hotel room, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. In the silent darkness a gentle snore came from the heaped up duvet on the king size bed. Buried in the soft, warm mass lay a sleeping Fowler. His head was empty of thoughts as he rested in deep nothingness, until he was awoken by a bright strobing light accompanied by the sound of machine gun fire!
“HOLY SHIT!”
Fowler screamed as he leapt from the mattress to take cover on the far side of the bed. He stared at the ceiling in terror as flash after flash illuminated the room. Then as sudden as it had started it all fell silent.
“KEEP THE CHANGE YA FILTHY ANIMAL…”
The phrase was familiar and so was the voice that spoke it. It was distinctly the voice of Rob Riot putting on his best attempt at a New York accent.
Fowler slowly raised his head to see his hotel room slightly open, letting a slither of light into the room. In the hallway he could hear Rob cracking up in hysterical laughter.
He pulled himself up from the floor and marched to the door, almost ripping it from the frame as he yanked it open to confront his teammate.
“You fucking bell end!”
Rob held back his laughter for a few moments to reply.
Rob: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know that was a tad bit harsh… but it’s also 21:00! Who in their right mind goes to bed at this time of night when there is a bar downstairs?”
Billy: “The kind of person who values sleep and respite on occasion.”
Rob: “It’s nearly Christmas, come on, put on a t-shirt and come down for a couple of pints.”
Fowler rolled his eyes reluctantly but headed back into his room, pulling on a pair of jeans and throwing on a Bastards t-shirt. As he joined Riot in the corridor and closed his door the Bastards found their attention drawn to the ping of the elevator reaching the floor and its doors opening at the far end of the corridor.
Both men recoiled as the doors slowly slid open to reveal a massive ball of fur! Light brown and white, with two arms and two feet and a cute head with long ears. After a few seconds of inspection, they both realised that they were staring a giant Gizmo from the movie Gremlins.
Both men stood motionless as the giant fur ball slowly plodded its way towards them, stopping about 8 foot from them.
Then a muffled voice with a Yorkshire accent emerged from within the giant head.
Frank: “What the fucking ball sucking, dick bags are you doing out of bed?”
Fowler just stared, completely bewildered by the situation. Riot took a second to compose before replying.
Rob: “He’s out of bed because I got here first and pulled off my prank expertly. Now, how about you tell us why you’re dressed like Chewbacca?”
Billy: “Gizmo…”
Rob: “Bless you.”
Billy: “What? No, that wasn’t a sneeze. He’s dressed as Gismo, not Chewbacca. You know Gremlins, you’re an 80’s kid!”
Rob took another good look at the costume.
Rob: “You’re right. I couldn’t quite tell at first. Frank has so many Furry costumes it gets hard to tell them apart.”
Frank: “Oi! What do you mean by that? I’m not some weirdo who busts their nut over weird costumes. I’m dressed as Gismo because you said the challenge was to prank Fowler but it had to have a Christmas reference.”
Rob: “Right, and where would that be then?”
Billy: “Well Gremlins is a Christmas movie…”
Rob: “Nope. It’s not. We all know that Die Hard is clearly a Christmas movie but Gremlins is simply a movie set at Christmas.”
Frank: “Fuck off! You can’t apply logic to one and not the other.”
Billy: “Look technically Home Alone just about addresses Christmas in it’s plot, so its not much better. What was the prank going to be Frank? Were you going to climb into bed with me or something?”
Riot laughs at this notion.
Frank: “No, I was going to wait for the sprinklers to go off…”
Riot’s laughter soon turns to silence as Franks words digest in his mind and he thinks back to the plot of Gremlins.
Rob: “Frank… what happens when the sprinklers go off?”
Suddenly a loud siren echoed around the three men and a red-light spun into action near the elevator. Something had triggered the fire alarms. Riot and Fowler slowly raise their heads, looking to the small sprinkler outset above them which started to spout water all about them.
Their attention turned back to Windsor, the fur on his costume becoming sodden and falling flat as water dripped from it. He stood motionless for a few moments then started to make screaming sounds and jerk his body as though in pain.
Rob grabbed Billy tightly, clinging to the bigger man in fear. Fowler watched carefully and could clearly see Windsor reaching for the zip at the back of the costume. Knowing what was about to happen he whispered into Riot’s ear “Run…”.
Both men began sprinting away as Windsor let the heavy fur costume fall to the floor around him, revealing his naked body, painted green with spots of black. His eyes yellow thanks to some contact lenses, teeth pointed and a pair of fake pointed ears protruding from either side of his head.
Frank let out a snarl before sprinting after his teammates, his self-proclaimed “Schlong” flapping as he went.
As they ran as quickly as they could from the naked mad man Fowler turned to Riot.
Billy: “You fucking Bastards!”
“HOLY SHIT!”
Fowler screamed as he leapt from the mattress to take cover on the far side of the bed. He stared at the ceiling in terror as flash after flash illuminated the room. Then as sudden as it had started it all fell silent.
“KEEP THE CHANGE YA FILTHY ANIMAL…”
The phrase was familiar and so was the voice that spoke it. It was distinctly the voice of Rob Riot putting on his best attempt at a New York accent.
Fowler slowly raised his head to see his hotel room slightly open, letting a slither of light into the room. In the hallway he could hear Rob cracking up in hysterical laughter.
He pulled himself up from the floor and marched to the door, almost ripping it from the frame as he yanked it open to confront his teammate.
“You fucking bell end!”
Rob held back his laughter for a few moments to reply.
Rob: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know that was a tad bit harsh… but it’s also 21:00! Who in their right mind goes to bed at this time of night when there is a bar downstairs?”
Billy: “The kind of person who values sleep and respite on occasion.”
Rob: “It’s nearly Christmas, come on, put on a t-shirt and come down for a couple of pints.”
Fowler rolled his eyes reluctantly but headed back into his room, pulling on a pair of jeans and throwing on a Bastards t-shirt. As he joined Riot in the corridor and closed his door the Bastards found their attention drawn to the ping of the elevator reaching the floor and its doors opening at the far end of the corridor.
Both men recoiled as the doors slowly slid open to reveal a massive ball of fur! Light brown and white, with two arms and two feet and a cute head with long ears. After a few seconds of inspection, they both realised that they were staring a giant Gizmo from the movie Gremlins.
Both men stood motionless as the giant fur ball slowly plodded its way towards them, stopping about 8 foot from them.
Then a muffled voice with a Yorkshire accent emerged from within the giant head.
Frank: “What the fucking ball sucking, dick bags are you doing out of bed?”
Fowler just stared, completely bewildered by the situation. Riot took a second to compose before replying.
Rob: “He’s out of bed because I got here first and pulled off my prank expertly. Now, how about you tell us why you’re dressed like Chewbacca?”
Billy: “Gizmo…”
Rob: “Bless you.”
Billy: “What? No, that wasn’t a sneeze. He’s dressed as Gismo, not Chewbacca. You know Gremlins, you’re an 80’s kid!”
Rob took another good look at the costume.
Rob: “You’re right. I couldn’t quite tell at first. Frank has so many Furry costumes it gets hard to tell them apart.”
Frank: “Oi! What do you mean by that? I’m not some weirdo who busts their nut over weird costumes. I’m dressed as Gismo because you said the challenge was to prank Fowler but it had to have a Christmas reference.”
Rob: “Right, and where would that be then?”
Billy: “Well Gremlins is a Christmas movie…”
Rob: “Nope. It’s not. We all know that Die Hard is clearly a Christmas movie but Gremlins is simply a movie set at Christmas.”
Frank: “Fuck off! You can’t apply logic to one and not the other.”
Billy: “Look technically Home Alone just about addresses Christmas in it’s plot, so its not much better. What was the prank going to be Frank? Were you going to climb into bed with me or something?”
Riot laughs at this notion.
Frank: “No, I was going to wait for the sprinklers to go off…”
Riot’s laughter soon turns to silence as Franks words digest in his mind and he thinks back to the plot of Gremlins.
Rob: “Frank… what happens when the sprinklers go off?”
Suddenly a loud siren echoed around the three men and a red-light spun into action near the elevator. Something had triggered the fire alarms. Riot and Fowler slowly raise their heads, looking to the small sprinkler outset above them which started to spout water all about them.
Their attention turned back to Windsor, the fur on his costume becoming sodden and falling flat as water dripped from it. He stood motionless for a few moments then started to make screaming sounds and jerk his body as though in pain.
Rob grabbed Billy tightly, clinging to the bigger man in fear. Fowler watched carefully and could clearly see Windsor reaching for the zip at the back of the costume. Knowing what was about to happen he whispered into Riot’s ear “Run…”.
Both men began sprinting away as Windsor let the heavy fur costume fall to the floor around him, revealing his naked body, painted green with spots of black. His eyes yellow thanks to some contact lenses, teeth pointed and a pair of fake pointed ears protruding from either side of his head.
Frank let out a snarl before sprinting after his teammates, his self-proclaimed “Schlong” flapping as he went.
As they ran as quickly as they could from the naked mad man Fowler turned to Riot.
Billy: “You fucking Bastards!”
