Turmoil #8 : Helloween 2017

[Lover's point.]

[Under the guise of running out of gas, Paulie - the nerdiest guy at FOAD high school - has managed to get the loosest cheerleader in town, who we shall dub Kilroy Evan's Mother, to the fabled lover's point. It should be noted that since he is wearing a 4CW T-shirt, Paulie is DEFINITELY a virgin for life. Despite this string of good fortune, Paulie has too much respect for Mrs. Evans to actually do anything with her, and our scene opens on an awkward silence.]

KEM: ...You know I have a reputation to maintain, so we shoul---what was that?

Paulie: I knew I shouldn’t have had Indian for d---

#SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH

[Before Paulie - the colossal nerd - can admit to having intestinal fortitude that makes his lower depths sound like Joe Pesci's crooning career, our young lovers are interrupted by a scratching sound.]

#SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH

KEM: THERE IT IS AGAIN!

Paulie: That could be any----

#SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH

KEM: This is kind of creepy; lets get out of here.

#SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH

Paulie: ...But the gas.

KEM: If you actually are out of gas we have worse chances of surviving this ominous romantic encounter, than Syberus does of winning the Haunted House match.

[God bless Kilroy Evan's Mother. She'll always be one of the boys, which is why Soutter is so attracted to her. Realizing that the car was actually off this entire time, incompetent nerd Paulie turns on the vehicle and floors it.]

"WAIT!!!!!"

[The vehicle speeds off into the distance, a razor sharp hook dangling from the side view mirror.]

"...damn."

[The camera pans around to a depressed looking king of snakes.]

Vile "Vince" Viper: ...I lossse more hooks that way.

[Pulling his wish list out of the breast pocket of his snakeskin suit, Viper crosses off "ramming a meat hook up Johnny Evil’s ass to keep the good people of 4chan Wrestling from attempting to procreate." That's a real shame. Old scratch could have done a lot of good by taking away their breeding machine.]

Vile "Vince" Viper: ...Now I'm not watching the Helloween Cup... because all the action is happening elsssewhere. How is it going? Much like the audience, I'm really only interested in the Haunted House match. They really didn't think through the logistics of having all the cool shit happen in one place, and a massive tournament somewhere else. Rookie missstake. If only they were BACKYARD.

#SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH

[At this point Vile has found another car and has switched to running his Syberus hook across the windows. Setting the mood for the couple inside, he's basically cupid.]

Vile "Vince" Viper: ...At least one SSSWAT A ssstar is hurt at being left out. Emo Loon wishes he was one of the ELITE chosen few in the FUN match, so he takes it out on the guys in the DULL portion. It sure has the SSSWAT world buzzing. Not the guys he's beating up though. Psssychotic Goth... Psssy... I had some money riding on Aztec Dracula, but in taking out Punky Brewster, you threw off the dynamics of the match that ultimately saw that lame vignette spamming machine seriously go fuck yourself you worthless piece of shit - Balan steal Aztec's spot in the semis. So I owe you for that. I also had some money on my old friend Damian Payne, who mended bridges with me despite the public ridicule of pathetic pennywise wannabe Beelzebozo. The only thing scary about that IT wannabe is his liver. Fuck clownsss. That includes you Psssy, because in my book that's what you are. A fucking clown.

[Shots fired.]

#SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH

Vile "Vince" Viper: A champion defending his reputation against another, putting the prestige of his belt up against the white trash Rocky Mountainsss. Bemoaning that he doesn't have something better to do, all the while forgetting that you're only in the ladder match because you COULDN'T GET THE JOB DONE THE FIRST TIME! I don't watch the product Psssy, I have helpers to point these things out to me. God damn you're pathetic Psssy. <fiendish grin=""> I like that in a SSSWAT champion.

#SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH

Vile "Vince" Viper: Ssso why aren't you in the Haunted House match? Are you really less of a draw than Sssyberusss? Is the champion of ACW less recognized by the ACW audience than Johnny whose name I can't mention on account of how fucking stupid it is? Why you ask? Are you normally this slow or is it the medication? WHY?! Because this little shindig is only for Adrian Tanner's nearest and dearest. The men who meant the most to his career, and the most likely targets of the Arizona Guild of Assssssasssssinsss. Get us all in one place to finish Tanner's work. All the key players. Minus the ones he actually cared for like Cecil Kennedy or Ssspike Nelssson, or the ones that were actually important like Andrew Karnage or that malignant unclecocksucker Cobyrn... but dammit it, everyone who Tanner KNEW who was part of ACW's rolodex and need the money are here! This is the NO EMO LOONSSS allowed match. You know, <chuckle> out of respect to Adrian'sss lassst wissshesss.

#SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH

Vile "Vince" Viper: But who is Adrian Tanner anyway? Some guy I beat once. For making me lock up with Sssyberusss, all I can say is SSSCREW Tanner. You want in this match? "The more the merrier" is my patent pending motto. I hope Sssoutter even drags Jamesss Fierce'sss burnt carcass along with him, I'm honestly worried there won't be enough rotting flesh to get the right smell otherwise. It's all about the mood, and no matter how many plus ones get dragged to this rodeo, the man with NO FEAR will outlast you all!

Dude from Final Fight Bonus Stage: Oh. My. Car.

[Another car speeds off, but that familiar screeching sound suggests that Viper has another hook for the next car. That is why he's a pro.]

Vile "Vince" Viper: The only catch? Unlike Sssoutter who got a free passssssss into this from the make a wish foundation just based on the diagrams for the human centipede costume I devisssed; Psssy, you actually have to BUY IN. Rather than having a little temper tantrum, show up belt in hand. I don't mind winning your strap even as I take Evansss, Sssyberusss, Sssoutter and John Boy'sss dignity, along with Tanner'sss life sssavingsss. As little esteem as I hold this federation, that belt is worth more than that other shit. So pony up, Psssy. Otherwise just cool your heels a little while longer, and try to dethrone CSSSK. I have a feeling you'll have your gory, creative, epic encounter soon...

[The camera does a 90-degree turn around Viper, away from the Honda civic he's currently scratching the shit out of to the haunted house behind him. Oh snap. I found a way to make this real time.]

Vile "Vince" Viper: ...Because between all the time he was the top dog, all the number one contender matches he won but was too busy defending a different strap to collect, all the deactivated titles that might still be active in a Rocky Mountain kind of way.

<sinister chuckle=""> I have a GOOD feeling that amongst all the other Tanner possessions I win tonight... I may just find a title shot in the rubble.

[Rubble.]

[The haunted house implodes!]

[Not because of ghosts, but because it was set to be demolished. You wonder if this was actually the haunted house from tonight's match, or just some other haunted house. You hope this wasn't the one that Soutter was at... because he'd be dead, and that would be hilarious. I feel like we should have been told the location of the haunted house in advance. I could have lined up all my Arizona ghost stories to really scare all of you. Did you hear the one about the guy who lived in Arizona? Scary, I know. Coughing up dust, some of Vile's Backyard cronies emerge from the wreckage.]

"Bigamist" Jonathan Smith: We don't have any more time to test the giant inflatable stay puff marsh mellow man balloon. The match is starting shortly.

[Seeing the camera on him, Jonathan Smith ducks behind "RSO" Frank Wilkes, hoping none of his wives were watching the broadcast. Opening his dodge viper, the scarlet serpent barks back at his senior underlings.]

Vile "Vince" Viper: Then what are you waiting for... so few fears left to savour. Frank, I want you to get in the back of my car. You'll find a couple of knives back there, pick whichever one speaks to you. Except for Deborah, she's all mine. When we hit the highway, I want you to stab me in the back.

"RSO" Frank Wilkes: ...uh...

Vile "Vince" Viper: Not figuratively. Sssmith, you follow behind us in the big rig. Every time you see Frank about to stab me, I need you to flash your high beams. Frank, when you notice the high beams you need to duck back down. No cheating. If I see you, believe me I'm going to take the knife away and use it on you while driving at the same time... so don't let me see you. Quessstionsss?

[Looking pained and tired, Frank and Jonathan stare at each other for a moment before manning up to confront their long term abusive employer. Try to explain that they were just blown up and hope he takes mercy on them.]

"RSO" Frank Wilkes: I'm not sure how comfortable I am with---

Vile "Vince" Viper: Great! It goes without sssaying that on the highway I drive a good hundred over the limit, so try to keep up. We don't want Frank to win. <forced smile=""> That wouldn't be good for any of usss. Frank, if I think you're not trying your best to stab me, so help me, I will drive into oncoming traffic!

[Climbing into the dodge, Viper chugs back on his flask full of ketamine before slamming the door behind him. Frank Wilkes looks ready to cry as he climbs into the back. Realizing how many lives are at stake, Jonathan Smith starts running back to the big rig. Watching the bigamist dash off, Vile flashes his pearly yellows into the rear view mirror.]

Vile "Vince" Viper: Hell, if we can catch up with that first couple, we might be able to prevent Kilroy Evansss from ever being born.

[Rather than answer Frank's confused look, Vile sucks back some more ketamine.]

Vile "Vince" Viper: I feel like Sssanta. <smile fades=""> ...You KNOW that's deborah.

"RSO" Frank Wilkes <switching knives="">: Sorry Vile...

Vile "Vince" Viper <revving the="" engine="">: We have a match to catch...

I know their fears... because I AM THEIR FEARS.

So we're going to have to race if we want to BRING THE FEAR TO THEM.

[Frank Wilkes looks ready to throw up as the dodge races off, losing.]

#SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH</revving></switching></smile></forced></sinister></chuckle></fiendish>

(Psychotic Goth is seen lurking somewhere but nobody knows where he is and he giggles and talks in a strange dialect.)

Psychotic Goth: "Where am I you are asking yourselves right now. Am I in the haunted House lurking and waiting to strike like a typical stalker and or psycho killer. Am I somewhere in the arena. You do not know and that's the fun part of what I am doing.
You see Vile Vince Viper this isn't just about the that Haunted House match. It's also something else and everyone in the lockerroom knows what that something else is. They won't say that ominously cursed sentence so lurking in their lungs fearing I shall strike out even more with such savagery my tortured soul shall unleash the beast lurking within."

(He bellows ands roars while letting loose strange dialect.)

Psychotic Goth: "You shall know soon why my tortured soul wants to be unleashed and the inner serpent known as Satan shall come out and thirst on my opponent's blood. Who will it be and I said it so many times that I don't really fucking care. As for you Takeda you should choose your words carefully for if you lose. You will have to pray and commit ritual suicide if you had the guts and I know you do not. At least Soutter was right about SWAT being the true premiere place to wrestle. Tonight I shall prove him right as I shall
get on my steed and lead my gothic armies into war and I shall ravage and pillage the castle that I shall target. The Psychotic One shall prove his madness and darkness rules ACW and I shall, as I am Satan's Chosen Warrior, shall offer the blood spilled by anyone who is the opponent including CSK whom I know will show up since it's his nature. I shall offer that blood to the devil himself Satan as a true gift of my victory at Hardkore Helloween 2017. Nobody shall ever forget my carnage and those highlights shall be classics forever."

(He roars and bellows in that strange dialect as the scene slowly fades to black.)

[Deep in the bowels of the Gund Arena, in an area most don't know even exists, something lurks. An evil unknown until now. It lies in wait, biding its time, until the perfect moment to strike.]

H2: how did I get myself into this?

[Henchman #2, his face painted up like Beelzebozo. He is cautiously walking through the area, shaking with fear.]

H2: I don't even know where I am or how I got here. Who knew this place was such a labyrinth?

[The evil waits. It is patient. It is precise.]

H2: This looked so funny in Spinal Tap, but I gotta say, I'm terrified.]

[Almost.]

H2: why does the boss have me down here anyway? I am supposed to be attracting his enemies. Shouldn't I be someplace they might be looking for him?

[The time is ...... ]

H2: what would possibly be here?

[NOW!]

H2: HOLY SHIT!

[Henchman #2 recoils in horror as a shadowy figure falls from the ceiling and lands on top of him with a double axe handle.]

H2: AAAIIIIIIEEEEE!!!

[The assailant stands over H2's downed body and we get a look at him. He is only 5 feet, 8 inches tall and under 200lbs. His body is thin but athletic, which we can tell even though he is wearing a three piece suit. There is nothing remarkable about him at all... except that he has the head of a moose.]

H2: oh god. You scared the shit out of me!

[The moose straightens out his suit, smoothing out the wrinkles. He pulls a microphone out of his back pocket and talks into it.]

Moose: I know, you screamed like the kind of person who actually thinks Psychotic Goth is scary!

Moose: that is another way of saying you screamed like a 6 year old girl.

H2: who.....who are you? Is that mic even powered by anything?

[The moose grabs H2 by the sweater and slams the microphone into his face. H2 goes flying into a wall, then gets hit with a picture perfect super kick.]

Moose: You don't know who I am? I guess that makes sense.

[The moose headbutts H2, knocking him out cold.]

Moose: who am I? ....... I'M ANONYMOOSE!!!

[Anonymoose strikes a douchey pose over H2's fallen body.]

AM: Damn it! You're not Beelzebozo. You are a decoy!

[Anonymoose puts the mic back in his pocket and wanders off.]

AM: Now where is that damn clown.....

[Henchmen #3 runs in a blind panic, like a mouse being chased by a cat.....or a clown being chased by a moose.]

H3: oh God, oh God, OH GOD!

[Sweat pouring off of his painted face, Henchman #3 turns a corner, only to collide with an antler. His face expodes and blood splatters the floor and walls as he collapses in a heap.]

[Anonymoose laughs.]

AM: You can run, but you can't hide, Buster....

[Anonymouse looks at the crumpled body before him.]

AM: damn it! You're not Beelzebozo! Where is that clown?

[Angered, Anonymoose begins stomping on H3's head, while bellowing into a microphone.]

AM: MOOSE CROSSING!

[Breathing heavily from the physical exertion on stomping a mudhole in a nameless henchmen, Anonymoose ponders his next move.]

AM: I just don't know where to find this alcoholic clown. How am I supposed to collect this bounty if he is nowhere to be seen? And these decoys are starting to piss me off! This is so 1998! That one doesn't even look like Buster, he's a foot taller than him!

[Anonymoose looks at the unconscious henchmen, then tries to scrape off the blood and gore from the sole of his leather shoe.]

AM: Oh well. I guess nobody will care if this guy is dead. I mean, in SWAT you can shoot somebody in the head at point blank range and broadcast it on the internet and nobody bats an eye. And that guy had a name. Nobody will care about this poor sap. He is as useless as a bouncer in Hell!

AM: Buster has to be around here somewhere. Maybe he is with Industrial Man. Those two have more homoerotic tension than Psychotic Goth pleasuring himself to a picture of Edward Scissorhands....

[Anonymoose wanders off in search of Beelzebozo.]

V/O: HEY KIDS! IT'S BEELZEBOZO TIME!

[Beelzebozo is still barricaded in his locker room, watching events unfold on a tablet.]

BF: I seriously don't get this place. I thought I was going to find a roster of people to play with. When I signed here, I thought there was going to be real competition. People to fuel the fire of competition, give my life meaning. Thank Christ for Atilla Balan. At least he is a challenge! He stirs something deep in my soul and fills me with passion. But what does everyone else do?

BF: I look around, and I see the joke that is our champion, Psychotic Goth, with his demonic imagery and nonsensical rants that might be scary if I was a prepubescient girl or thought Hot Topic was really cool.

BF: Then we have Vile "Vince" Viper. At least he is entertaining, but he runs around with some bizarre cast of characters that looks like Sid and Marty Croft banged Jim Henson and had a group of kids and pissed all over them. And they sit around and talk about old has-been wrestlers.

BF: and Angry Yakuza Guy, whose name I can't be bothered to remember because all ge does is bitch about being here and talk about old wrestlers he fought a decade ago. You know something, Trigger Finger? Maybe you should stop spouting the names of your old opponents nobody cared about then or now, and worry about tonight, when you are in the path of the Industrial Man and the Clown Prince of Chaos.

BF: I have never been more motivated to win a match, because my prize is what I have been aching for since my first day here....a one on one match with my so called friend, Atilla Balan. He us trying to make me a better Buster Friendly, but all he is succeeding in doing is making me a worse Beelzebozo.

BF: So let me jump on the bandwagon that Viper and Bad Ass Grumpy Otaku are riding, and deliver what I like to refer to as the stereotypical SWAT promo.....

BF: Tommy Danger, Brody Thunder, Zack Sharpe, Lazz Sterling, Jeff Keenan, Hayden Grayson, Anthony Alred, Johnny Pain, BM Tunzafun, Adrian Tanner, Jr., and Spike motherfucking Nelson.

BF: See? I can rattle off people thst have nothing to do with anything just as well as the next guy.

BF: oh yeah, skulls, fire, demons, Lucifer, Hell, Satan, Ozzy Osbourne, the Cure, and whatever other dumb spooky bullshit you like. See? I didn't forget about you, Psychotic Goth. After I take Atilla Balan and destroy him, my destruction of SWAT will end with me taking your title and using it as the spark to burn this whole place down.

BF: I am tired of the rants, the boring whining about dead feds and deader wrestlers, and the jr high school death metal nonsense. I need to get in that ring, bury Phoenix and Eureeka's Castle or whatever his name is under a mountain of barbed wire. Then I can carve the pound of flesh I demand in payment for Atilla Balan's sins, and get my hand raised in victory at the end of this whole ordeal.

BF: of course, I need to avoid that moose first....

[Beelzebozo is hanging out in his locker room, downing whiskey and fiddling with his tablet.]

BF: Wow. That stagehand is the most hardcore guy in SWAT. He just made that bad Yakuza parody his personal bitch. That was actually pretty amusing!

[There is a knock on the door.]

BF: Who the Hell is that?

[The door burst open and standing in the entrance is the mysterious Anonymoose. Beelze shakes his head and sighs.]

BF: What are you doing here?

AM: Buster, you are a hard man to track down.

BF: That is on purpose, William.

AM: NEVER CALL ME THAT!

BF: Sorry. Anonymoose.

AM: Thanks. You're the only one who knows who I am.

BF: Nobody cares about you.

AM: Something I have in common with Mr. Knife Edge and all the people he fought years ago!

BF: This guy is supposed to be a bad ass, but he spends all of his time bitching and moaning about being in this tournament. Did somebody force him to be in this thing?

AM: Just think how relieved he will be when you choke his ass out and send him back to wherever it is he would rather be.

BF: He thinks I am passive aggressive? Just wait until the match. I will show him actual aggression. I'm not some defenseless fan he can bully around. I'm a drunken clown who has a taste for violence. I can't wait to feel the consciousness leave him as his body goes limp in my arms and I get my ticket to the finals against Atilla Balan.

AM: Speaking of Atilla Balan, that is actually why I am here.

BF: He sent you?

AM: No, quite the opposite. I saw how he wants to change you and I am here to make sure you stay the same. You may be an alcoholic, drug addled, disease infected clown with a death wish, but you're mine and I don't want you to change.

BF: and your big plan is to put on a moose head and beat up three guys dressed like me?

AM: No, my plan is to get your old family back together. It isn't just me. Wait.....three people? I only beat up two.

BF: so where is the third idiot I sent out as a decoy?

AM: I have no idea. I guess it's a mystery....

Frank Salazar : LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first ...

The scene shoots to the ramp way as the arena lights drop to a dark orange. A fast montage of Adam Haven hitting Phoenix seven times in a row in one old uCw match with a steel chair plays.

*GONG!* Fog rolls out and a circle of fire lights on the stage. A flash shot of Phoenix beating the hell out of Soutter in the CWA.

*GONG!* A deep voice booms out "Time to Rise!" as the tron lights up with fiery lettering spelling out "Rise Like the Phoenix", and a flash shot of Phoenix crushing Cobryn with a steel chair.

*GONG!* The stage and turnbuckles explode with flame pyro as 'Phoenix' by Stratovarious blares out, and fast motion clips play of Phoenix delivering the Phoenix Driver to a bevy of opponents, including D-Matic, Matt Griffen, Soutter, Adam Haven, Johnny Styles, RDS, Syberus, Clench, Dustin Hughes, Dan Stein, Tobias Burden, Dave Rave, Mars, Soulfly, Dusty Dynamite, and Jace Mingla.

Phoenix rises through the circle of flames, down on one knee, head on his fist, wearing a dark red leather vest with "FMP" down one side, a phoenix logo on the back, and his Rosary. He stands up as the crowd roars seeing his black metal bat in his other hand. Phoenix begins making his way down towards the ring as the haze dissipates, arms outstretched, playing up the crowd with a smirk.

Phoenix slides into the ring, hops up and hits the turnbuckle to the second rope, pounding his chest then points straight up with a single middle finger salute as the corner behind him explodes in fire. Phoenix hits all four corners, then pulls off the vest, draping it over the barbed wire, and places the Rosary over it. He holds the bat aloft before affixing it to a loop hidden inside the vest.

Frank Salazar : Hailing from Red Bank New Jersey ... coming in at 6’6 and 265 pounds .... The President of SWAT .... PHOENIX!!!

“War Ensemble” by Slayer hits and "Knife Edge" Takeda Yokosuda makes his way to the ring, he carefully enters the ring avoiding the barbs and starts trying to tell Phoenix how the match is going to pan out, Phoenix just stares at him thru his mask, shakes his head and starts laughing, looking down on him and making himaelf stand taller to accentuate the size difference.

Frank Salazar : And his tag team partner, hailing from Seattle, Washington ... coming in at 5’7 and 190 pounds .... KNIFE EDGE TAKEDA YOKOSUDA!!!!

The lights go out and the opening fanfare of "Entrance of the Gladiators" by Julis Fucik starts to play. After the introduction, before the famous melody can begin, there is the sound of a record scratching, then the maniacal laughter that only an evil clown can produce fills the air. The laughter ends abruptly and there is a second of awkward, uncomfortable silence before "Halloween (Celldweller remix) cuts through the quiet.

Red lights illuminate the entranceway and their are noticable fumbling motions behind the curtain before Beelzebozo finally emerges from the back.

His ill-fitting suit looking like he slept in it the last three days, porkpie hat perched precariously on top of his shock of red hair, and lit cigar in his mouth, the Clown From Hell stumbles down the aisle, cursing at women, spitting at men, and threatening to backhand little kids that try to touch him.

His everpresent Sack slung over one hunched shoulder, the bag of mischief bulging from the vile treasures within, Beelzebozo shambles down to the ring.

He puts his Sack down in the corner, and pulls out a balloon, stretching it repeatedly before blowing into it and quickly shaping it into a flawless giraffe. Beelzebozo hands the giraffe to a small girl at ringside and takes a deep bow as the crowd gives him a small smattering of applause.

The Clown Prince of Chaos then takes his lit cigar from his mouth and jabs the giraffe with it, the small balloon animal exploding. The girl bursts into tears and the angry crowd throws garbage at Beelzebozo as he stumbles into the ring, ready for his match to begin.

Frank Salazar : And their opponents ... hailing from Huntington, West Virginia, coming in at 6’2 and 265 pounds .... BEELZEBOZO!!!! And his tag team partner ... coming down to the ring next, he stands at 6'3 and weighs in at 245 pounds - from Industry, Texas... this is...

T H E I N D U S T R I A L M A N

A T T I L A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A A

B A L A N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N N ! ! ! ! ! !

The house lights cut out leaving the arena in darkness as "Strict Machine" by Goldfrapp starts to pump over the PA System. The audience pop hard for the SWAT newcomer who is winning a lot of them over, but the crowd are further worked up by some red search lights that make their way around the audience. As the spot lights hit the ring curtains, the audience lose control as the ring curtains pull open. Out of the back comes the Green Goblin faced truck from Maximum Overdrive!

Jax Carver : Not again!

Horn blazing to work the crowd into a frenzy, the Green Goblin truck starts to move onto the stage, before it starts to magically transform. Its an easy pop of the night The Industrial Man introduces his second Halloween costume, Maximum Overdrive Prime. Looking like a transformer but with Green Goblin's face on his chest. Balan starts to mechanically walk down the aisle, eyes focused on the ring as he prepares for war.

Ace Scorpio : It’s a costume Jax, get back here!

Jax Carver : I know that! Come on Ace, I’m just fooling around.

Ace Scorpio : Yeah, right.

Jax Carver : Referee Bo Brady calls for the bell and this one is under way. Tornado tag rules apply. Winners of the match go one to compete AGAINST each other in the final for the Helloween Cup.

Takeda nudges PX and says lets go, and he runs at both Bozo and Balan. PX visibly sighs and follows him in.

Ace Scorpio : Knife Edge charges and Bozo swings, clobbering him with his bag of toys. PX follows in, and Balan holds up his hands to stop him. Phoenix halts and The Industrial Man offers a hand shake to him. Bozo goes to move in on PX but Balan halts him and says no. Shake first. Again offering his hand, PX shakes and Takeda superkicks Bozo! Devastating superkick by Knife Edge.

Jax Carver : Wow! PX holds onto the hand shake, and as Balan is momentarily distracted by the superkick, pulls The Industrial Man into him and levels him with a belly to belly suplex.

Ace Scorpio : Takeda goes to high five PX who hesitates, then shrugs and high fives him, both of them then stomp away on Balan.

Jax Carver : PX hoists The Industrial Man up and wheel barrows him to the mat, as he does so Takeda jumping back heel kick to Balan.

Ace Scorpio : Beelzebozo catches PX and side Russian leg sweeps him, but as doing so Yokosuda spin kicks him in the back of the head.

Jax Carver : Mayhem with all four men in there at once Ace!

Ace Scorpio : They need eyes in the back of their heads. Balan back on his feet and he snap mares Yokosuda into a knee lift.

Jax Carver : Balan Irish Whips Yokosuda towards the barbed wire, but he puts the brakes on, halting just in time.

Ace Scorpio : Balan then grabs PX and Irish whips him too, right at Takeda but Takeda is able to stop him. They look at each other and the ropes, and WHAM ... Balan Irish whips his own partner, Beelzebozo at both men, and the clown spears both of them and all three crash into the barbed wire, the crowd oooooo’ing.

Jax Carver : Balan grabs Takeda, he is so small, and giant spins him around, and around and around and around, Bozo and PX get to their feet, and Bozo with a swinging neckbreaker on PX and as he does so .... perfectly timed drop kick to the spinning Takeda! HOLY SHIT!

Ace Scorpio : Balan gets to his feet, a little dizzy from the spin himself, and catches his balance away from the wire ... PX back to his feet hooks Balan in a full nelson and tries powering him to the barbed wire, but Bozo makes the save and double ax handles Phoenix.

Jax Carver : Great team work by ... what are they calling themselves Ace?

Ace Scorpio : Funny Business.

Jax Carver : I can smell the dollars.

Ace Scorpio : Thats not dollars, thats BLOOD!

Jax Carver : Takeda with a jumping spin kick at Balan, Balan easily ducks it, Takeda lands on the barbed wire rope feet first, Balan looks around after avoiding the kick ... DDT by Takeda!

Ace Scorpio : Madness! Bozo headbutts Takeda, then plants him with a gutbuster, right ontop of the barbed wire he just jumped off!

Jax Carver : Bozo looks pleased with himself, and locks on a side headlock, mocking the crowd. WHAM! Phoenix running Yakuza kicks Beelzebozo almost taking his head off!

Ace Scorpio : PX then falling Tiger Driver (Double Underhook powerbomb, falls to a brainbuster and a compact pin! Down in flames!

One .......

Two .... Bozo rolls the shoulder.

Jax Carver : Takeda grabs Bozo’s bag and swings it around and then slams it down hard onto the clown! Got him with his own sack Ace!

Ace Scorpio : Phoenix then starts rummaging around in the sack and comes out with a cookie tray. He slams it hard against one of the wire ropes .... then swings hardly at Bozo but Balan dives in front, taking the hit!

Jax Carver : What was that? Balan just sacrificed himself to save the clown! And what is a cookie tray doing in there, does he bake?

Ace Scorpio : PX picks up the clown, and atomic drops him crotch first onto the barbed wire rope.

Jax Carver : Bozo is straddling the ropes, and Takeda side kicks him to the outside.

Ace Scorpio : Balan is then hoisted up by Phoenix and PX going for the .... SUNSET FLIP by Balan, counters the move and sends PX into the wire ropes!

Jax Carver : Takeda attempts a kick at Balan, but Balan catches his foot, holds it, and the other hand to the throat, and charges HIM back first to the wire ropes also!

Ace Scorpio : Balan now is tossed some CLAMPS from the crowd, WHAT THE?

Jax Carver : Balan uses them to attach Yokosuda's arms to the barbwire... then catches Phoenix trying to hit him from behind, and GORILLA PRESSES the President into Yokosuda with such force that the top barbwire rope breaks, sending both men to the floor.

Ace Scorpio : Look at this, PX on the outside has somehow landed ontop of Bozo, and is covering him. Brady slides to the outside for the count.

One ............................

Two ...........................

DAMN! Wait, look at this, Balan grabs the barbed wire and swings on it like Tarzan to the outside and BREAKS the count!

Jax Carver : And in the process just butchered his own hands. He looks at them in pain and they are dripping blood, it looks like he just killed someone, or how mine did that night i had too many drinks and the wife was the wrong time of the month and ....

Ace Scorpio : Let’s leave that there.

Jax Carver : Takeda grabs Balan and goes to slam his head into the ring apron, Balan puts his hands up to block it, grabbing the barbed wire, they are bleeding now big time and Takeda gets a insane look on his face and grabs the loose wire and starts choking Balan with it.

Ace Scorpio : Bozo breaks the choke and picks up Takeda and backbreakers him onto the ring steps.

Jax Carver : PX back to his feet, and he grabs a steel chair and swings it at Bozo ..... Atilla Balan dives in front, taking the hit!

Ace Scorpio : That’s the SECOND time he has taken the hit for Bozo!

Jax Carver : These two have quite the relationship.

Ace Scorpio : Bozo then rams PX back first into the side of the ring, and rolls him into the ring.

Jax Carver : Balan tosses Buster a bottle of wine to use as a weapon, but Buster drinks it instead. Getting punched by Phoenix for drinking instead of swinging. Buster ducks a shot of PX and belly to back suplexes him, Balan then throws Buster some beers to use as weapons, which Buster catches and carefully puts down on the ground so as not to waste them - Phoenix punches him again. Buster with a blatant low blow kick to PX jewels, finally finishes the first bottle of wine and smashes it over Phoenix's head.

Ace Scorpio : Cover by Bozo

One ........................................

Two .........................................

Takeda breaks the count.

Jax Carver : Yokosuda puts Bozo into a brain claw and sweep His feet so that the back of his head hits the mat. While holding the brain claw in this position, sit on his chest, and apply a nerve hold to his wind pipe.

Ace Scorpio : Double Claw! Balan breaks it with a diving fist drop.

Jax Carver : Balan then breaks out in a robot dance. The crowd eating it up, they love him here at the Gund Arena!

Ace Scorpio : Balan now "transforms" back into a truck (pulls his arms in and hunches over) at the same time a half dozen of his fans dressed as trucks run into the match and stomp the hell out of Yokosuda!

Jax Carver : Brady is clearing the fans out of the ring, PX starts berating him, how did he let them in here ... Takeda drop kicks Balan out over the top rope and the other parts of his truck try help him back to his feet.

Ace Scorpio : Takeda grabs Bozo, full nelson. PX grabs a beer bottle from Bozo’s stash and charges at Bozo, Bozo ducks and PX cracks the bottle right into Takeda! No!

Jax Carver : Bozo starts trying to scoop all the beer on the mat into a pool, this is embarrassing!

Ace Scorpio : He is calling for a sponge! He wants to soak it up. PX looks down on him, disgusted, and smashes another of the beer bottles over his head, just for good measure!

Jax Carver : Beer being the downfall of Bozo, who would of picked it.

Takeda to his feet, Takeda tosses the clown from the ring, and side kicks Phoenix into the corner.

Phoenix : It was an accident!

Yokosuda : What the fuck ever. I'm done with you after tonight.

Phoenix : I'm afraid that's where you're wrong. Your agent signed you to a six month contract.

Yokosuda : Are you fucking kidding me?

Ace Scorpio : This is no good .... Yoko looks around, he looks trapped, he snarls at PX and slides out of the ring, waving him off and starts heading to the back!

Jax Carver : Huh? How can his agent sign him here without his know so?

Ace Scorpio : PX is a very persuasive President....

Jax Carver : Persuasive? His partner just left him in the ring all on his own!

Ace Scorpio : Bozo watches Takeda storm off and grins that evil clown smile at PX! He grabs another of the beer bottles and goes to crack PX over the head with it, but PX is angry now and catches his hand .... he lifts the clown up for a chokeslam, and slams him hard into the barbed wires.

Jax Carver : PX covers Bozo

One .............................

Two ..............................

Save by Balan!

Ace Scorpio : Attila Balan with some rapid fire headbuts, stomps and fist drops, he is like a “machine” in there .... cover on PX

One ..........................

Two .............................

Th .... kick out by Phoenix.

Jax Carver : The Pres hooks Balan and rolls him up from the pin attempt as Balan was questioning Brady

One .....................................

Two .......................................

Bozo breaks the count.

Ace Scorpio : Bozo then signals to the crowd, this is over ... and starts winding up for the superman punch

Jax Carver : Beelzebozo making a huge show of putting on a black leather glove from his Sack, and a super hero cape as well, before raising his arm up and down, swinging it around in giant circles, then launching himself into the air .... PX sidesteps it and Bozo knocks Balan out with the shot!

Ace Scorpio : Phoenix then sends Bozo to the outside, covers Balan

One ..............................

Two ................................

Thr .... Balan gets the shoulder up.

Jax Carver : PX smashes the mat in frustration, he grabs Attila Balan, and locks on the sleeper, Bozo’s own move being used against his tag team partner!

Ace Scorpio : This is it! This move has put more people to sleep than a Mike Sanzone rp!

Jax Carver : Referee Brady checking on the arm of Balan .... it is wonky ....

Ace Scorpio : Bozo is seen on the outside, reaching into his sack, he pulls out a flask of whiskey and swigs it down.

Jax Carver : He should be in there helping Balan, not drinking on the job.

Ace Scorpio : Its his life force Jax!

Jax Carver : Brady drops the arm of Balan and it drops, he is out! Thats one.

Ace Scorpio : Two .....

Jax Carver : Bozo with the save! He just smashed that whiskey bottle over the head of the SWAT President! Right onto the mask of PX!

Ace Scorpio : Is that mask legal?

Jax Carver : Sure is, sanctioned by the President himself. Beelzebozo now locking on a sleeper!

Jax Carver : THE sleeper! THE WHISKEY LULLABY!

Ace Scorpio : PX is staggering around in the sleeper, more from the bottle shot it seems, that mask is blocking the effect of the sleeper .... back heel to the jewels breaks it .... PHOENIX DRIVER!!! (Death Valley Driver) Thats gotta be it! PX covers

One ..............................

Two ..............................

Thre ... Balan breaks the count.

Jax Carver : It doesn’t get any closer folks.

Ace Scorpio : Balan gets a pair of garden sheers! Opening the garden sheers, Balan stabs them down on the prone Phoenix... not touching him in the slightest, but pinning the President's throat to the canvas, leaving the sharp blades so close to his jugular that Phoenix can't move to kick out for fear of slicing a major artery even though he's aware of the pinfall and desperately wants to. Man, listen to the crowd, they are going beserk! PX cant move, he is literally trapped and can sense the slightest movement will do him in for.

Balan keeps hold of them sheers, and while doing so kneels down on PX. Brady drops for a cover

One ..................................

Two .................................

Thre ............... EEEEE!!!!! Thats it! The Industrial Man and Beelzebozo go thru to the final against one another!!

Balan pulls out the sheers leaving a hole in the ring, and helps his hero to his feet. Shakes Phoenix's hand, then goes out to celebrate with Buster as "Machines" by Giorgio Moroder blares.

Jax Carver : Buster is still out of it from that PX Driver! Balan is jubilant, Bozo realises they won, but that Balan got the pin and he is none too pleased it wasn’t him.

Ace Scorpio : WHAT A WAR! Will either of these two have any fuel left in the tank for the final?

Jax Carver : What a performance from our President! He was out numbered there two on one and almost pulled it off.

Ace Scorpio : Bet he is regretting signing Takeda.

Ace Scorpio : Bet Takeda will be regretting abandoning HIM!

Jax Carver : Coming up next folks .... we head to the Haunted HOUSE!!!!!!!